


Far Too Young To Die

by TheMadQueenMogar



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gun Violence, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-12-20 06:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 23,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadQueenMogar/pseuds/TheMadQueenMogar
Summary: Jeremy gets pulled into one of the most infamous crews of Los Santos.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This entire fic was supposed to be a one shot when I first started writing it, but then I got excited. So enjoy all these chapters my dudes.

Jeremy was used to having no one, used to caring for himself and maybe a few stray cats he just couldn’t leave behind. He grew up on the streets with a keen eye and a knack for getting into fights. He had more bruises and scars than you could count on both hands. He didn’t mind, though. That’s just the life he knew all too well.

 

Then he found the Fake AH Crew. He admired their work from afar at first, through the scope of a sniper rifle propped up on the roof of a building across the street. He had a friend with him, one that was better at hacking than anything. His name was Matt Bragg. They stumbled upon Trevor Collins soon after, quickly forming their own team. Jeremy quickly learned what it was like to care for someone other than himself.

 

Jeremy ran into Gavin Free, the notorious Golden Boy, once coming home from a bar. He managed to knick Gavin’s wallet, the foreigner seemingly too drunk to notice as he flirted slightly with Jeremy. The shorter man started walking back to his shared apartment after stealing the wallet. He flipped through the wallet, counting the cash and smiling. “Damn, a thousand dollars in a wallet? What an idiot,” he mumbled to himself and chuckled.

 

He slipped the cash back into the wallet and put it into one of his pockets. He trotted back home happily, excited to tell Matt and Trevor that he just stole a wallet from _the_ Gavin Free. Trevor would absolutely get a kick out of it. Then he felt a gun pressed to his back, right between his shoulder blades. Jeremy froze and thought of a plan. “Think you’re tough huh? Stealing someone's wallet.” A grimacing voice spoke behind Jeremy and he immediately knew who it was.

 

“Michael Jones,” Jeremy said, trying to mask how terrified he was. “Hand it over dumbass,” Michael snapped and pressed the gun harder against Jeremy, “If you know who I am, you sure as hell know I won’t hesitate.” Jeremy took a deep breath. He had a plan, albeit a dumb one, but it would let him get out with the money and his life. He _really_ needed the money.

 

In one swift motion, Jeremy turned and hit Michael’s wrist, forcing him to drop the gun as he picked it up and aimed at Michael. Gavin, who Jeremy just noticed was standing behind Michael, put his hand on his gun, waiting to pull it out. “Listen,” Jeremy started out, “You’re rich as dicks okay? A lost thousand won’t kill you.” Michael glared at Jeremy and only then did the Bostonian realize he had been set up.

 

“You’re pretty good,” Michael started out, crossing his arms and smirking, “But did you really not notice until now?” Jeremy rolled his eyes as he hesitated to hand the gun back, “What’s going on?” “Geoff wants you,” Gavin blurted out, “Had me watch you for a bit and see your skills. He thinks we need someone like you on the team after what happened.” Michael and Gavin both shared a sad glance and Jeremy frowned a bit too.

 

He had heard the news about the previous sniper for the Fake AH Crew. He knew the stories. “So what does that have to do with me?” Jeremy asked, trying to change the uncomfortable subject. “You and your buddy, Matt, are coming to work with us. The other fucker too if he wants,” Michael said and snatched his gun back from Jeremy. “Trevor,” Jeremy retorted.

 

“Whatever,” Michael said and rolled his eyes, “Now let’s go. Geoff wants you three to talk to him.” Jeremy looked at them for a minute, taking in the whole situation. “Well,” Gavin snapped Jeremy out of his trance, “Let’s go.” “Wha- what about Matt and Trevor?” Jeremy mumbled as Michael grabbed his arm and pulled him towards a car. Gavin walked cheerfully behind the two and slid into the passenger's seat. As Jeremy was pushed into the back of what seemed to be Michael’s car, he was pressed against someone. He jerked his head to the side and his eyes went wide.

 

“Holy shit,” Jeremy said, dumbfounded by the faces staring back at him, “Matt, Treyco.. they grabbed you too?” The black haired one with tips dyed blonde nodded, “Yup. Snatched us at the apartment.” “Good thing too. That place is a real piece of shit,” Michael explain. Jeremy huffed, “Well not all of us can live in a fancy fucking penthouse and know where our next meal is actually coming from.” Michael seemed a bit taken back by Jeremy's attitude, but brushed it off.

 

They were silent the rest of the ride. It was an uncomfortable, heated silence that made Jeremy want to scream and put a bullet through his brain. He pulled through, though, and got out of the car when told. He stayed behind Matt and Trevor as they followed Michael and Gavin into the penthouse. Jeremy glanced up at the building and his breath hitched slightly. _Why was it so damn tall?_

 

Jeremy didn't realize that he was just standing there until Trevor nudged him forwards. Jeremy glanced back at his friend before he kept walking into the main doors. Michael and Gavin lead them into an elevator and up to the top floor. Jeremy was shoved into the elevator with the others and he tried to keep calm. He had a fear of heights, and that wasn't necessarily playing nice with the fact that the infamous Fake AH Crew had basically _forced_ him with a gun to be here.

 

A million and one thoughts were running through his mind right now. He couldn't possibly imagine what the Geoff Ramsey wanted with him of all people. Jeremy was a nobody, literally just another useless body to up the headcount in the city. Jeremy glanced around at everyone in the small elevator around him and took in their appearances as if it was the last time, and hell it very much could be.

 

Matt glanced back at him and smiled reassuringly. He had a red hoodie on and a pair of worn blue jeans and old red Converses. His brown hair, down to his shoulders, was still dyed red at the tips, slightly fading. His glasses sat correctly on his face and Jeremy watched as he turned around. Jeremy glanced over to Trevor. His bleached hair with the roots coming back to black. He was wearing a black shirt and skinny jeans, topped with beat up black Converses as well.

 

Michael was wearing his signature heist outfit. The brown leather jacket with that growling wolf staring back at Jeremy. Michael’s blue jeans looked clean, brand new even. He had a gun -the one he pressed to Jeremy’s back earlier- holstered to his hip. His brown curly hair was a mess. Jeremy could see the side frame of Michael’s black glasses and a scowling look on his face.

 

Gavin was standing next to Michael, resting his arm on the older one's shoulder. The sleeves of his light blue button up were rolled up to above his elbow. His dirty blonde hair was a mess and his grey jeans looked like they were new as well. Jeremy couldn't see it, but he knew Gavin had those expensive gold sunglasses on. His golden gun holstered to his side as well.

 

The elevator came to a stop. The doors slid out of the way to reveal a large hallway. Michael and Gavin walked out while the Stream Team followed. They were lead over to a door while Michael knocked. The door was opened to reveal the gents. Jeremy took note of how they towered over him, not just in height, but in intimidation. He didn't show how terrified he was. The Fakes sensed weakness and tore it down without a thought.

 

Geoff was wearing his signature suit and bow tie. His black hair a mess and those dark bags under his blue eyes. Jack was wearing her Hawaiian shirt tucked into those light blue and white vertically striped shorts. Though the bangs over her eyes casted a shadow over her face, making her terrifying to look at, Jeremy could see she was hiding some worry and kindness.

 

And Ryan -the Vagabond- with his black skull mask and icy blue eyes. The black face paint smudged with white under the mask. His arms were crossed, forcing his leather jacket to be tighter, showing off his biceps. Jeremy felt a blush creep on his cheeks as he made eye contact and quickly looked away. Jeremy was _so_ dead.

 

“So this must be the Stream Team. And you-” Geoff pointed at Jeremy, “-you must be Dooley. What are you- Five-three?” “Five-four, sir,” Jeremy said, surprised by how squeaky his voice came out. Geoff’s eyes went wide and Jeremy swore he was about to get shot. Geoff turned to Michael and crossed his arms. Michael rolled his eyes and flipped Geoff off. “Why don't we get you three to sit down?” Jack spoke to offset the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room, “Geoff and I want to talk to Matt and Trevor first.”

 

Jeremy gulped slightly and looked at his friends as they walked inside. Jack told Jeremy to have a seat on the couch while she lead the other two towards the hallway. As Jeremy sat down, he shared a worried glance with Trevor and Matt until they were pulled out of view. Jeremy sank down slightly into the couch and tried to make himself smaller, if at all possible. If the world would open up a black hole and swallow him whole right now, he wouldn't mind. He felt the couch dip next to him and he glanced over.

 

“So you want a drink or something?” Michael asked and looked at Jeremy, “We basically got anything that could eat your liver, like acid.” “We actually do have acid if you're into that,” Ryan piped up. Jeremy and Michael both looked startled by Ryan's speaking up. “Ryan! Don't scare him,” Gavin squawked and glared at the masked man, “Well more than you already are.”

 

“So, you want a fuckin’ drink or not dude?” Michael asked, pulling Jeremy’s attention back to him. “Uh.. I'm okay,” Jeremy mumbled quietly, scared that they would poison his drink or something. Michael shrugged and pushed off the couch, “Suit yourself.” He said and disappeared into the kitchen, dragging Gavin with him. Jeremy gulped, realizing he was left alone in this room with the  _Vagabond_ standing right behind him.

 

Jeremy took a deep breath and decided to make a joke as a coping mechanism almost. “So uh.. you're a skull guy huh?” _Good fucking going Jeremy._ Ryan didn't say anything back to that. “God, I am so getting my ass in a grave today,” Jeremy mumbled and put his head in his hands. It stayed silent, the room filling with tension and forcing Jeremy’s heart into overdrive.

 

It felt like years of him sitting there like that, though it was only an hour or so. Then Jeremy heard footsteps and he looked up to see Trevor and Matt walking towards him. They looked happier, more excited. Jeremy went to ask them what happened in there, but was interrupted by Jack waving him over to follow her. Jeremy glanced at his two friends one last time before getting up and following the red headed lady.

 

Jeremy was lead into a large office and told to sit down in the chair across from Geoff. Jeremy did as told and stayed stiff and stoic. He tried to keep himself from panicking as he looked Geoff Ramsey dead in the eye. Geoff didn't look mad, didn't put off that he wanted Jeremy dead for something, and that scared Jeremy even more.

 

“So we’ve been keeping an eye on you and your team,” Geoff started out and clasped his hands together, elbows resting on the desk, “Someone of your age -your nature- with skills like that..” Geoff trailed off and moved to lean towards Jeremy, “We could use you on the team. You’ll have a place to stay and we won't separate you and your buddies. You could get big bucks working with us, pal.”

 

“You.. you want to hire me?” Jeremy couldn't wrap his head around the thought. What skills could he possibly had that they would want? “That's what I said isn't it?” Geoff raised a brow and looked at the younger man. “This isn't some kind of a scheme, right? I'm not going to be dead in the morning, am I?” Jeremy questioned and slouched a bit. Geoff chuckled and Jeremy stiffened again.

 

“No, not at all. Just thought you might want a better place to stay than that shithole you live at now,” Geoff said and smirked a bit. Jeremy rolled his eyes, “Why does everyone complain about that apartment?” “Paint was chipping off the walls,” Jack piped in from behind Jeremy, making him jump slightly. He forgot she was standing there. “How did-” “We broke in to grab your extra limbs in there,” Jack said and jabbed a thumb towards the door, hinting at Matt and Trevor.

 

“So,” Geoff said and Jeremy glanced back at him, “What do you say kid?” Jeremy thought about it. All the benefits that would come with the crew. The power he would hold over the city.. “Your pals already agreed,” Jack noted and crossed her arms. Jeremy sighed. Of course they did. “I'm in,” Jeremy said and looked at Geoff, who held a hand out to Jeremy as he stood. Jeremy stood as well and shook Geoff’s hand. “Welcome to the crew, Dooley. I’ll have Ryan show you to your room since it's next door to his.”

 

Jeremy gulped. Of fucking course his room would be next to Ryan’s. “You can go get anything you want from your apartment later. Right now we need official introductions and shit,” Geoff said, gesturing his hand slightly towards the door. Jeremy nodded and followed behind the two gents. Jeremy took a deep breath. This couldn't possibly be as bad as he thought it would be, right?


	2. II

Jeremy was surprised by it all. Living in a penthouse with the Fake AH Crew themselves wasn’t much different from living with Trevor and Matt alone. He easily fit in and seemed to become friends with everyone. Well, everyone except Ryan. He was distant from the new three, always had his mask on. Jeremy assumed it was a nervous thing. He understood because he got that way too. Something about the way Ryan didn’t trust him yet made Jeremy curious. 

 

Jeremy thought about it one night as he stayed up. He had been doing that a lot since he was forced into moving here a week or two ago. The most sleep he had gotten since then was roughly three hours. He didn’t do it on purpose. His body just refused to let him sleep. Either from nightmares or sudden fear of what would happen to him if he left this crew. 

 

He sat up on his bed, in the dark of his room, and brought his knees to his chest. He took a few shaky breaths, near on the edge of another one of his attacks. Jeremy tried to keep quiet. Ryan’s room was right next to him and the wall was thin enough to hear through. He couldn’t help it, though, when his lungs started to seize and his eyes watered. He didn’t know why he was having a panic attack right now when nothing was wrong, but the thought only made it worse. 

 

Jeremy tried to calm down. He tried to stay quiet. He didn’t want to wake Ryan. Hell, he would very much rather have Geoff walk in on him right now. Jeremy started to feel like the walls were closing around him and he buried his head in his knees.  _ This can’t be happening _ , he thought,  _ not now. _ He was too busy trying to calm down that he didn’t even hear his bedroom door open. 

 

“Take a few deep breaths,” said a quiet, calm voice that made Jeremy panic more. He glanced up from his knees through teary eyes. His lungs aching to be given a break. He didn’t expect what he saw in the least bit. Ryan was walking towards him, long black hair that Jeremy hadn’t seen before pulled back into a messy bun. His pajamas a set of plaid pajama pants and some old college t-shirt. 

 

What unsettled Jeremy the most was the fact that Ryan didn’t have his mask on. The only face paint the gent had, was a smudged black circle around each eye and some muted white that wasn’t really hiding all that much. Jeremy didn’t know why, but he started to calm down by just seeing Ryan.

 

Ryan sat down on the bed next to Jeremy, though he was slightly hesitant to at first. “Breath with me,” Ryan said and started to take a deep breath. Jeremy nodded slightly and breathed in. Ryan held it for a few seconds before releasing the breath, watching as Jeremy copied him. They did this a few times until Jeremy had calmed down enough. 

 

“Th-thank you,” Jeremy mumbled as he wiped the salty water from his cheeks. Ryan nodded and got up as he went to leave. Jeremy cursed himself for what he was about to do. “Wait,” he called out to the gent. Ryan turned to look at him before he reached the door. Jeremy bit his lip. Ryan didn’t move for a second before tilting his head slightly. 

 

“Why.. why did you help me?” Jeremy said, “And your face…” “What about my face?” Ryan said, sounding like he hadn’t even realized he didn’t hide it. “You aren’t wearing your mask,” Jeremy stated and slowly slid his heels down the bed until his legs were stretched out in front of him. Ryan shrugged and Jeremy wished he knew what Ryan was thinking. He wished Ryan would just say something. 

 

As if his wishes were granted, Ryan cleared his throat and looked at Jeremy. “I’ve heard you, these past few nights,” Ryan started out, “It made me think about how I was when I was first pulled into the crew.” Ryan looked like he was about to speak again so Jeremy sat and listened, shocked by how much Ryan was actually talking now. 

 

“I guess I just felt sort of.. Sympathetic. I didn’t even think twice before coming in here,” Ryan finished off and crossed his arms. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes until Ryan said something again. “I can stay if you like. I know how hard it is to sleep after something like that.” Jeremy just nodded and moved over on the bed.

 

His brain was screaming at him that this was wrong. He was alone in a room with the infamous Vagabond. But somehow he wasn’t the Vagabond. He was Ryan, with messy hair and mismatched pajamas. Jeremy prefered this version of Ryan. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks as Ryan sat down next to him. “You can sleep if you want. I won’t go anywhere,” Ryan told him and leaned back on the headboard. 

 

“Thanks,” Jeremy said, flashing a small smile as he rolled over onto his side and took a deep breath. Somehow, he wasn’t afraid that Ryan was going to hurt him anymore. He felt the complete opposite. Jeremy trusted Ryan. He shut his eyes as he listened to the slight humming that came from Ryan. That night’s rest was the most Jeremy had slept in two weeks. 

 

Jeremy woke up and turned on his side to see if Ryan was still there. All he found was an empty side of the bed. Jeremy frowned a bit, wondering if he imagined the whole thing. He sat up and stretched his spine before going through his drawers. He picked out clean clothes and headed to the ensuite of his room to shower. 

 

He made the water warm, but not warm enough to burn him, as he scrubbed off his body. He looked over the scars lacing his skin from all the missions he did with the Stream Team before. He smiled slightly at the fond memories that came with each of the white lines or spots. He got out of the shower shortly after and dried off quickly. He didn’t know what time it was as he threw on the clothes he picked out and went to get coffee from the kitchen

The lad didn’t expect the smell of coffee to hit his nose. Or the sound of familiar humming that he heard. He stepped into the kitchen and paused for a second. He was met by a black leather jacket, with shoulders painted blue and white stripes down the arms, and the same black hair pulled into a messy bun.

 

“Ryan,” Jeremy unintentionally said out loud. The man turned around to face Jeremy, who was surprised to see the same amount of face paint from last night. “Morning,” Ryan greeted and turned back around to pour himself a cup of coffee, grabbing another mug to pour some coffee in it as well. He held the mug out to Jeremy.

 

Jeremy walked up next to Ryan as he took the mug offered to him. They both held their mugs and leaned against the counter. “Thanks again for helping me last night,” Jeremy said, “That’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in awhile.” Ryan nodded at him and smiled slightly, “Of course.” “Did you mean what you said last night?” Jeremy asked and sipped on his coffee. 

 

It took Ryan a minute to answer, “Uh yeah. It’s weird, isn’t it? I barely know you and you see me as this terrifying murderer and I just come into your room at night to comfort you.” He joked slightly and Jeremy let out an airy laugh, “Yeah I guess it is a bit weird. Thanks for trusting me, though.” “Well it was about time, right?” Ryan chuckled a bit this time and Jeremy smiled.

 

Something told Jeremy that Ryan didn’t  _ just _ trust him. He kept it to himself. The Vagabond wasn't one that would let someone in easily so Jeremy wanted to take it and run. Figuratively, though. He most definitely be murdered if he ran away from this crew. Though, deep down he knew he didn't want to leave.

 

“Jeremy,” someone said, waving a hand in front of Jeremy’s face. He blinked a couple of times and looked up. Michael was standing in front of him with crossed arms. “Oh sorry,” Jeremy said and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Must have zoned out.” “Can you get the fuck outta the way man? You're blocking the coffee,” Michael said and watched as Jeremy sidestepped out of the way. 

 

Jeremy sat his mug on the counter. The coffee was still slightly warm, but he didn't want anymore. “Where’s Ryan?” He asked and watched as Michael poured the steaming brown liquid into a mug. “He’s talking to Geoff. We have a heist coming up,” Michael explained and took a sip out of his mug, “Oh, and he wants to talk to you.”

 

“Who- Geoff?” Jeremy asked, slightly confused as to why Geoff would want to talk to him. Michael nodded, “Yeah. Didn't tell me why though.” Jeremy nodded and took a deep breath, “Do I go now?” Michael nodded again, “Just knock first.” Jeremy mumbled a ‘thanks’ and started off to Geoff’s office.

 

What did he want? Was he going to tell Jeremy he wasn't allowed to be here anymore? Jeremy didn't how what he would do if he was outcast. He would be stuck without anyone around. The Fakes would look down on him. They would want him dead. Jeremy couldn't handle that, having the strongest crew in Los Santos hiding in the shadows, ready to take him down painfully.

 

Jeremy knocked twice. It was quiet and he waited. He heard a muffled “Come in” from Geoff. Jeremy took a deep breath and pushed the door open as he walked inside. Geoff was sat at his desk doing something on his computer. There were files strewn out on the desk in front of him. Geoff, whose eyes were darting from the computer monitor to the files, motioned for Jeremy to sit.

 

“What's up boss?” Jeremy asked as he sat down. “We have a heist planned as you've probably heard,” Geoff glanced over at Jeremy and slid one of the files towards him, “I need you in on it.” Jeremy raised a brow and went to take the file, “Uh.. you need me? I've never been on a big heist before.” Geoff crossed his arms, “This will be your first one, yeah. You’ll prove yourself this way.”

 

It was quiet while Jeremy shifted through the file. “That's Alan Rodgers. He's the head of a rival crew who are planning to attack us,” Geoff said, “We have an informant about who’s gotten us the information.” Jeremy nodded and closed the file, “So what am I doing?” “We’ll discuss that during the meeting after this,” Geoff told him and went to stand as he collected the files. Jeremy stood as well.

 

“The others are there waiting now so let's go,” Geoff said and went to lead Jeremy to the meeting room. Jeremy followed silently. His nerves were pushed back slightly by excitement. He was going to be going on a  _ heist _ . His first one. Jeremy was smiling. He was glad the crew trusted him enough to do this.


	3. III

Files were tossed onto the table as Geoff spoke. He pointed to the large map on the wall -the one of the city. He started to map out their route and scribble things on the board. Jeremy sat back and relaxed as he watched.

 

“Jack and Gavin will be in a cargobob ready to pick us up. Ryan, you will go in first and take down the people on the lower level. Michael, you take up the top floor with me,” Geoff finished after they nodded. He turned to Jeremy, “There's a parking garage across the street from the warehouse. I need you on the top floor being a sniper. I trust you to take out anyone we don't see.”

 

Jeremy smiled and nodded. He had a good eye and never missed a shot, so Geoff trusting him enough to have a gun pointed in their directions was surely a good thing. He sat back a bit and looked around as Geoff explained their situation a second time.

 

“Start getting everything ready. We leave tonight,” Geoff explained and went to sip on his water before leaving. Jack walked out with Geoff. Then left Michael and Gavin. Jeremy started to walk back to his room. He sighed a bit and rummaged through his closet to grab the locked box on one the lower shelves -he would put it higher if he could reach- and tossed it on the bed.

 

He unlocked it and smiled at its contents. Each piece of his sniper rifle neatly packed away. Jeremy started to take out the pieces, attaching them to each other delicately. He always treated this gun with caution. Trevor and Matt had bought it for him years ago as a birthday gift. The Rimmy Rifle, he called it.

 

He glanced over the complete gun, checking to make sure it worked, without actually shooting of course. Then he sat it on his bed and went to change into his outfit. Normally, he would go for a purple blazer and yellow pants, maybe an orange shirt if it was clean. Oh, and that stupid white cowboy hat that Matt gave him as a joke.

 

Today he wasn't wearing that. No, today he was going to dress in black. This was a stealth mission -his first one at that- and he needed to prove to Geoff that he was worthy. So he donned a pair of black jeans and a black shirt. He didn't bother wearing any body armor. He was a sniper, he told himself, he didn't need it. Plus, he didn’t necessarily have any to wear.

 

Jeremy slung the rifle over his shoulder after making sure to stuff a few rounds in his pocket. He walked out into the living room seeing the rest of the crew was ready. Geoff was telling everyone where they needed to go and making sure everyone was ready. “Jeremy you still have that bike you bought last week right?” Geoff had asked him. Jeremy nodded, “It’s in the garage.” “You’ll take that. You know where you’re going to be right?” Jeremy nodded and Geoff crossed his arms, “Good.”

 

Jeremy sighed a bit before going to grab his keys from his room. He started to walk towards the door when he saw a figure in the doorway. “Oh hey Michael,” Jeremy said and adjusted the strap over his shoulder. Michael stretched out his hand and revealed an earpiece, “You’re gonna need a comm. It’s already set up and connected to the others so just put it in.” Jeremy took it and smiled slightly as he adjusted it on his ear, “Thanks.” “Just don’t fuck up,” Michael said and walked away.

 

Jeremy started to walk out to the garage. The rest of the crew were already on their way to their respective cars. Jeremy took a deep breathe as he stepped up to his motorcycle. He ran a hand over seat, looking over the new purple and orange paint job. He chuckled a bit and sat down on it, one foot on the ground, as he put the key in and started it up.

 

The revving of an engine filled the large garage and echoed off the walls. Jeremy smiled and hit the button to open the garage on his phone before slipping on his helmet. He started to drive, leaning down slightly and watching the road in front of him. He swerved through traffic, not caring about stop lights or cars coming to a halt to avoid hitting him.

 

Jeremy pulled up behind a building and come to a quick stop. The tires skid slightly across the pavement as Jeremy put his foot down. He pulled off his helmet and stuck it on one of the handlebars as he kicked out the kickstand. Jeremy got off of the bike and went to climb the ladder next to him up to the roof of the building and get set up.

 

He laid on his stomach as he sat his sniper rifle down, adjusting it on the small retaining wall on the roof. He made sure it had a few rounds in it before looking through his scope. He could see inside the building across the street. The one they were invading. Something felt off as he glanced behind his shoulder, faced with nothing. He turned back to his scope and heard a voice in his ear.

 

“You in place Jeremy?” Geoff said over the comms. “Ready boss,” Jeremy said as he pressed the comm. “Are we clear?” Michael asked, directing his question to Jeremy. He took a second glance into the building, “All clear.” “Gavin and I are ready with the cargo bob. Waiting for the go,” Jack said. Jeremy watched as his crew appeared, donned in black clothes and body armor. Jeremy grimaced slightly at Ryan’s mask, but shrugged it off as he watched them.

 

Jeremy focused too hard on taking out as many guys as he could see. He didn’t want to ruin his first heist with the crew. He wanted Geoff to trust him. He smiled every time he heard a ‘Good job, Jeremy’ come through the comms. He continued his job, glancing over his shoulder every few seconds.

 

He heard Gavin’s voice filling the comms with stupid questions. He listened in, making a comment when needed. Until he heard the click of a gun behind him. Jeremy whipped around to fight back. He was only met to a someone hitting the base of his skull. He fell forwards as his vision started to go black, the sound of Gavin’s voice fading too.


	4. IV

Waking up felt like a burden. Jeremy’ head was pounding and he still couldn't see, but he could feel himself being dragged across cold concrete. He tried to keep calm.  _ They kill the weak slower _ , he told himself and tried to use his other senses. The comm wasn't in his ear anymore and he didn't have his gun. He could feel his hands were tied and that's where he was being pulled from.

 

Then they came to a stop and Jeremy heard a door close. He felt a kick to his side and he grunted slightly. They bag was pulled off his head forcefully and he squinted at the bright light. “Looks like he's awake,” said a deep, menacing voice. Jeremy looked up and took in the guy’s appearance.

 

He was tall and built. Jeremy could tell he was strong by all the muscles pushing at his black clothes. His hair was jet black and short. His nose was slightly crooked, offsetting his dark brown eyes. His lips were thin and in a pout. He had minor stubble on his chin that made him look even tougher.

 

The guy standing next to him was slightly shorter, wearing a similar outfit. His hair was blonde, longer and slicked to the side with gel. He had a wide nose and a wide jaw, no facial hair. He was also built strong. Jeremy was slightly intimidated, but tried not to show it. 

 

“Tie him up John,” the dark haired one said to the light haired one, who Jeremy now knew was named John. John nodded and grabbed Jeremy. He pulled him over to the middle of the room and forced him to stand. Jeremy was made aware of their height difference. John pulled Jeremy’s hands above his head as he struggled slightly and hooked them to a chain. Jeremy had to stand on his toes to keep himself from dislocating his wrists. 

 

The position he was tied in hurt. It forced his chest to feel tighter. Forced his breathing to be quick and shallow. Forced his lungs to ache. John stepped back next to the other guy and Jeremy could tell who was in charge. “All done Nick. Have at em,” John said to the dark haired one. Jeremy watching their movements as the dark haired one -Nick- started to walk towards him. His fingers ghosting over a metal table that Jeremy just noticed was there.

 

The table was littered with weapons, some Jeremy didn't even know existed.  _ Oh god, _ he thought,  _ they’re going to torture me _ . He gulped and turned back to look at Nick, who was smirking. “How about we start off easy?” Nick said, “I tell you what I want and you can choose whether or not you want to answer.” Jeremy stayed silent. “And if you pick the latter. Well.. I’ll just have to get the information out of you.”

 

Nick picked up a knife off the table as Jeremy tried to keep calm. Nick spun the knife in his hands, “I know you're apart of the Fakes. They were breaking into one of our bases. We’re just lucky we caught you, aren't we?” Jeremy gained some spite as he growled out, “Fuck you.” Nick rolled his eyes and held the knife to Jeremy’s cheek, “Now now. Don't get feisty. You’ll only make this worse.”

 

“ _ Fuck you _ ,” Jeremy spat, “They're going to come for me. Gonna take you out painfully.” Nick chuckled and Jeremy’s stomach churned. “Are you really that sure they will?” “Yes,” Jeremy retorted, “I’m apart of their crew and they’re gonna fucking kill you.” “You’re new,” Nick said, “They don't need you. You're a burden to them.” Jeremy shook his head, “I’m not- I’m not a burden.”

 

Nick pressed the knife a little bit harder against Jeremy’s cheek. He could feel the blade start to cut his skin. “You mean nothing to them. They got along better without you before.” Jeremy shook his head again.  _ They’re coming _ , Jeremy repeated in his head,  _ They're going to break in any second now. _ “You work with them so you must know where they keep all of their information.” The knife was pressed harder and Jeremy winced.

 

“I-I don't know,” Jeremy said genuinely. He had only worked with them for a couple weeks so why would Geoff tell him anything like that. “Bullshit,” Nick snapped and pulled the knife away. Jeremy was left with a small window of relief until Nick brought his fist hard against his cheek. Jeremy’s head jolted to the side and his cheek throbbed.

 

“I really don't! I promise,” Jeremy squeaked out and squeezed his eyes shut to brace himself. He felt a hard punch to his stomach as he jerked back. The ropes tugged at his wrists until Jeremy regained himself, balancing on his toes again. His breathing became more rapid and his lungs burned like the fires Michael creates. 

 

“Stop fucking lying,” Nick shouted. Jeremy winced at the anger in his voice and his eyes shot open. “I'm not lying,” Jeremy almost shouted, but kept his voice low. He was scared -terrified even- about what was going to happen to him. He saw Nick smirk and Jeremy’s stomach turned into a knot. “Ramsey wouldn't want you back anyways.”

 

Jeremy stayed silent and didn't look at Nick. He was wrong. He was wrong and Jeremy wasn't going to listen to him. “You're a weak link to the crew if you were able to be captured so quickly,” Nick said and grabbed Jeremy's chin roughly. Jeremy hissed a bit. He could tell that bruises would form there shortly. “Don't you think if they cared, they would have come sooner?”

 

Jeremy looked up at Nick, “T-They’re coming. I know they are.” Nick laughed and let go of Jeremy’s chin, throwing his head to the side, “Do you really believe that?” Jeremy looked down. They were going to save him. He could feel it. Jeremy heard the noise of a gun being loaded and he gulped. “You don't. I can see it in your eyes. You know they don't need you. Better someone else take you off their hands than get the blood on their own,” Nick said gravely. 

 

Deep down, Jeremy knew he was right. He was new to the crew. They didn't need him. Hell, he would be too much of a nuisance for them to come save. He felt a gun pressed to his forehead and he closed his eyes. At least he was going to make this quick. The gun was pulled away and Jeremy opened his eyes again. “You’d like it if it was that simple, wouldn't you?” Nick said. 

 

Jeremy didn't say anything because he knew his answer was in the air already. Nick grabbed at Jeremy's shirt, making him look up. “Like hell I would make it that easy.” Nick pulled his hand back and elbowed Jeremy’s chest. Jeremy grunted and shut his eyes at the pain. He could feel a rib break. His wrists burned at the rope rubbing them so tightly.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay don't yell at me cause this one is shorter, but I'll make it up to you guys with a good one for the next chapter. <3

Jeremy lost count of how many blows he took. His cheeks stung and darkened with bruises. His stomach and chest ached and he knew he had more than one broken rib. He didn’t know how much more he could take of this. He didn’t even know if this was the same day as before. He was still hopeful that the crew was coming. They were just trying to figure out where he was, that’s all.

Nick picked up a large knife and walked up to Jeremy. “P-Please,” Jeremy pleaded and shook his head, “Please just get it over with.” “I can’t do that, Jeremy,” Nick said and pressed the tip of the knife to Jeremy’s sternum, “You know I can’t.” Jeremy took in a long breath, but winced at the pain. The way he was stretched from the breath and how one of his broken ribs must be poking his ribs forced his breathing to hurt.

“Nick,” a voice snapped from the opposite end of the room and Jeremy’s eyes went wide. Nick turned, dragging the knife down Jeremy’s heat as he did so. Jeremy winced and his breathing staggered. He recognized the man as John. “We need to talk,” John said. Nick looked vaguely upset, but started to walk to the other, “What happened?”

John shot a glance back at Jeremy and smirked, “The Fakes gave word that they won't be coming after him.” Nick smirked too, collecting all his weapons. He shot Jeremy a look before turning on his heel and following John out. The look in Nick’s eyes gave it away and Jeremy knew he was going to be stuck here. He was going to be alone. They weren't coming for him.

Jeremy tugged on his restraints, glancing up at the rope that wouldn't budge. He looked back at the door and glanced back at the ropes. He was strong enough. If he just swung slightly and pulled, he could be able to break free. Jeremy took a careful breath before he swung forwards and jerked at the rope.

He let out a pained whine as the rope didn't budge, but only rubbed worse as his already raw wrists. Jeremy stood back on his toes and dropped his head. He was never getting out of here. He didn't notice the tears starting to fall down his cheeks or the blood seeping through his clothes. Jeremy didn't want to die, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't begging for a quick death right now.

Jeremy’s mind started to blank and all he could think about where those words John said. He was going to die here. Starved out and dehydrated. Weak and alone. All because of a rookie mistake. Jeremy let out a choked sob, only getting worse after feeling the pain in his chest. No one cared enough for him to save him.

He thought about that. Trevor had Matt. Michael had Gavin. Geoff had Jack. And Ryan.. well Ryan never needed anyone and he wasn't going to start with some bright colored asshole like Jeremy. Another tear fell down his cheek. He was alone and maybe that scared him more than the thought of death itself.

Jeremy started to feel weaker. The events of the day catching up to him and making him realize how fucking tired he was. He couldn't sleep like this, all stretched and torn up. So he stayed awake and tried to process what was going on. He tried to pinpoint ways he could escape, but he was far too weak for any of his ideas to pull through.

Please, he thought to himself, please just let me go. Jeremy choked out another sob. His body shaking involuntarily as the warm, salty tears burned his cheeks as they fell. All the stress and chaos eating at him, ripping him to shreds from the inside out. He had lost hope by now and freedom was only but a dream.


	6. VI

A week. He had spent a week back and forth between being pummeled and yelled at to being left alone in that room, tied up and forgotten. Jeremy had lost hope. He had given up and he started to lose feeling to pain or otherwise. 

 

Maybe it was the fact he was so sleep deprived and loopy from the blood loss that he didn't hear the explosion. Maybe the figure he saw break the door open was just a hallucination from the lack of food and all the hits he took to the head. 

 

Somewhere in that fucked up state Jeremy was in, he could have sworn he saw that black mask coming towards him before he finally gave into the blackness enveloping him. He was grateful that he didn't have to kept himself glued together anymore.

 

-

 

His head ached like his brain was pushing and pushing to get out, pounding against the inside of his skull. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to make his head hurt worse. He feared that if he opened his eyes he would either be in hell or still in that room, like there was really much of a difference.

 

Jeremy noticed the way his wrists didn't burn any longer. The way his chest wasn't stressed like before. He finally noticed the muffled voice, sounding distant as if it was in another room. Jeremy panicked. He opened his eyes slowly, immediately having to squint to make out the dark room, spotting a larger figure on the opposite side of the large room. Jeremy tried to sit up and hissed at the pain that burned through his body.

 

He laid back down and shut his eyes again. He didn't know where he was, but his head was pounding more. He opened his eyes slowly again and glanced back at the figure, who was walking towards Jeremy. He could make out the features of the figure as they came into the light. Black hair tied up in a messy bun, bright blue eyes surrounded by smudged black paint. The stubble on his chin not showing much.

 

“R-Ryan?” Jeremy croaked out, his voice way too hoarse for him to really make the words out to sound like anything. He coughed slightly. Using his voice made his throat -being raw from all the painful screaming- hurt like hell. He could see Ryan better now. The way his leather jacket had fresh blood stains and Jeremy wondered more.

 

Ryan stayed quiet as he looked Jeremy over. Jeremy sat up and tried not to wince. He looked over at Ryan. “Did you save me?” Jeremy asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Ryan nodded and went to check one of the gauze pads wrapped around Jeremy's chest. “Why?” Jeremy croaked out, so much emotion in his voice. 

 

Ryan’s eyes finally met Jeremy’s. They looked sincere. Something Jeremy had never seen before. “Why what?” Ryan asked. “Why did you save me?” Jeremy said. His voice was getting better now. “You're one of us,” Ryan said, voice sharp and honest. “I-I’m-” Jeremy winced as Ryan tugged at one of his bandages, “-I’m not. I never will be. You don't.. you don't need me.”

 

“What makes you think that?” Ryan asked. Jeremy looked down, looking as his hands. He was quiet for a few minutes before he spoke, not looking up. “You all have someone. Everyone in the crew does. Their own person and- and each of them already has skills. And you.. you don't need anyone. You don't need me. I'm useless- I’m not even a good sniper. An-and I got myself kidnapped and-” 

 

Jeremy’s words were cut short as he heard a loud noise. He immediately went to shield himself as he curled into a ball and tried to to cry. His brain was signaling to himself that Nick was back. “Jeremy. Look at me,” said a distant voice and Jeremy shook his head. “You're okay,” said the voice again, “You're okay.”

 

Jeremy glanced over and noticed it was only Ryan. He slowly uncurled himself as he gulped slightly. “S-sorry,” he mumbled and looked at Ryan, “I’m still getting used to this.” Ryan nodded and looked like he was thinking deeply about something. Jeremy gave him a quizzical look. 

 

“Since you’re still recovering, I can’t really take you to do what I did, but how about I sit with you?” Ryan asked. His voice sounded unsure, like he didn’t know if he was overstepping boundaries. Jeremy tried to relax. He told himself it was Ryan - _ his _ Ryan- and not Nick. 

 

Jeremy moved over on the small cot, giving Ryan enough room to sit beside him. Ryan did so and sat with just enough space between them so Jeremy wouldn’t panic. Neither spoke. Jeremy noticed how Ryan’s presence began to calm him. How he started to let his mind wonder and Nick wasn’t on his mind anymore. 

 

He felt his chest start to ache again and soon his vision was blurry with tears. He buried himself in Ryan’s chest absentmindedly for comfort as the memories hit him like a brick. Jeremy noticed when Ryan pulled him into his lap, but he didn’t try to stop him. The lad sunk into the warmth of Ryan and didn’t try to stop the tears.

 

“I-I thought y-you weren’t coming for me a-and I was worried I w-would die there,” Jeremy choked out and clutched Ryan’s shirt, “I th-thought you hated m-me. I thought y-you.. I thought you w-were going to leave me.” Ryan rubbed Jeremy’s back to comfort him, careful of the cuts and bruises. 

 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Ryan said and Jeremy knew he wasn’t lying. “You make me feel something,” Ryan mumbled, barely audible to Jeremy, but he still heard it. He sniffled slightly and pulled away from Ryan to look at him, hiccuping slightly. Ryan wouldn’t look at Jeremy’s face. “The Vagabond cares about me?” Jeremy said, manipulating his words to almost sound like a joke. Ryan stifled a laugh and smiled slightly, “I hate hearing you call me that.”


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly?? This is just a filler chapter, but enjoy!

Ryan was acting different. He wasn't stoic or distant. He laughed and kept close to Jeremy’s side. The other crew members would stop by, checking on Jeremy to see how he was recovering. Geoff would sit down, pouring a shot for Jeremy and a glass of juice for himself, and apologize for not being able to get to him sooner.

Jeremy would just nodded and smile slightly, telling Geoff that is was fine. That he was fine. And he was. He was perfectly fine. Nothing more, nothing less. He was fine when the gunshots made his bones shiver. He was fine when the touch of a hand on his arm made him sick. He was fine when he woke up crying in the middle of the the night thinking he was back.

Jeremy was fine when he had panic attacks over the smallest noises. He played it off as nothing when he was first allowed back into the penthouse after everything had died down. The crew didn't notice and Jeremy liked it that way. He could listen in on what they were talking about when it wasn't him. And that's how he heard something that sparked his interest.

“We have Nick in the warehouse,” Geoff said, his voice muffled by the wall Jeremy was pressed against. “Do you think you're up for interrogations?” Geoff had asked someone. Jeremy furrowed his brows and listened. “Yes, Geoff. I'm always up for it.” Jeremy recognized the voice as Ryan’s. He heard the hint of chaos drowning in his words.

Jeremy kept himself pressed against the wall and continued to listen. If Nick was alive, he wanted to witness his downfall. Jeremy shudder at himself as he pictured watching Nick being tortured just like Jeremy was.

There was a knock on the door that caused him to jump out of his skin and fall back. He winced as he head collided with a hard object on the floor. He rubbed his head as the door was opened and saw Ryan walk in. Ryan looked concerned as he walked over to Jeremy and kneeled beside him.

“What happened?” Ryan asked as he examined Jeremy’s head for any injuries. “You have Nick?” Jeremy asked and brushed his hands away. Ryan raised a brow, “How did you know?” “I heard you and Geoff talking.” Ryan’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape as he looked at Jeremy.

“I want to be there,” Jeremy blurted out and rubbed the back of his head where he hit it. “Jeremy you aren't well e-” “I have to be there, Ryan,” Jeremy said, “You don't- you don't understand. He hurt me. I-I’m not the same.” Ryan frowned and sighed.

“I want to see him broken like he broke me,” Jeremy said. His voice was cracking and emotional. Ryan shut his eyes for a second as he thought. Jeremy glanced over his features as he waited for an answer. Ryan opened his eyes and they met Jeremy’s. Jeremy froze as he looked over those icy blue eyes.

Ryan looked away and Jeremy’s expression involuntarily dropped. Though, Jeremy’s brows furrowed and a rosy tint spread across his cheeks as he felt Ryan grab his hand. Jeremy looked back up and met Ryan’s eyes again. He could see the hesitancy in them and he knew Ryan was worried he was overstepping something.

“I know how much you want to get revenge, but believe me when I say you don't want to see what I can do,” Ryan said. Jeremy broke eye contact and looked down at their hands. His mind wandered from Nick to Ryan. Maybe he was right. Jeremy knew what Ryan was capable of and maybe he wasn't ready to witness that.

“I have to leave,” Ryan said and broke the silence. Jeremy looked up at him, “What?” “I have to go with Geoff now. To the warehouse,” Ryan explained. Jeremy felt Ryan's hand let go of his own and he was suddenly made aware of the fact he hated it being empty. “Oh,” Jeremy mumbled and looked down.

“I’ll be back later okay?” Ryan’s voice came off domestic and kind. Jeremy nodded and frowned. Ryan put his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder as he got up. His hand slowly slipped off as he walked away. Jeremy sat there and watched him walk out of the door. He waited a few moments before getting up and walking towards the door.

Jeremy was curious now and that was never good on his part. He waited until he heard Geoff’s car pulling out of the driveway. Jeremy searched around the house and found Michael on the couch. He was distracted by a video game.

“I need you to drive me somewhere,” Jeremy blurted. Michael didn't take his attention off the game, “Why can't you drive yourself?” “Jack took my keys so I wouldn't hurt myself,” Jeremy admitted. Michael paused the game to look up at Jeremy, “Fine but you owe me.” Jeremy nodded and looked at him, “Next set of drinks is on me.”

Michael smiled slightly as he stood up, “Where to?” “Wherever Ryan and Geoff went,” Jeremy said and went to tug on a jacket. Michael’s smile faltered, “I can't take you there.” “Why not?” Jeremy asked and looked at him. “Geoff’s orders,” Michael told him and went to sit down.

“Dammit Michael. Can't you just take me? We don't have to tell Geoff,” Jeremy sighed out of frustration, “I wish you guys would stop babying me.” “Babying you- Jeremy you had a fucking panic attack yesterday because Gavin grabbed your wrist,” Michael snapped. Jeremy jumped at Michael’s raised voice and tried not to let his lungs stop.

Michael sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Look. I'm sorry I yelled okay? I remember how I was when it happened to me.” “Then you would know that I need this,” Jeremy’s voice was low. Michael took a deep breath and looked at him, “Fine. But if you rat me out, you're a dead man.” 


	8. VII

Michael didn't say a word to Jeremy the whole ride. Jeremy didn't say anything either. Neither of them cared. Jeremy just hoped he would be able to get in without Geoff or Ryan noticing.

Michael pulled up in front of the warehouse and let Jeremy out. Jeremy thanked him as he closed the car door quietly. He watched Michael drive away and headed for the closed door. He took a deep breath as he put his hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly.

He quietly pushed through and glanced around. There was a room in the back of the bare building. The door to the room was left cracked open. Jeremy walked towards the room and froze when he heard a scream. He gulped and continued to walk towards the open door.

“Tell us why,” Ryan's voice boomed through the room and made Jeremy wince. He should've stayed home, but it was too late now. Jeremy could hear that voice. The one that he knew all too well. “I liked watching him shatter to pieces,” Nick said. Jeremy felt his blood boil as he tried to refrain from breaking into the room.

He heard the familiar sound of skin against skin and knew Ryan had slapped him. Jeremy could hear Nick laugh. “You should've seen the fear in his eyes,” Nick said, coughing slightly, “He begged for you.” Jeremy couldn't stop himself.

He threw the door open and walked right up to Nick. Jeremy wrapped his fingers around his throat and watched as Nick struggled to breathe. Jeremy didn't notice Geoff nodding to Ryan. He was too busy watching Nick struggle like he did.

Jeremy thrashed when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind, pinning his own arms to his sides. He was pulled away and held back by Ryan as he tried to get to Nick. “Let me finish him dammit! He deserves to die!” Jeremy cried out and squirmed.

He was dragged out of the room as he watched Nick cough. Jeremy pushed off Ryan and glared at him, “Why couldn't you just let me do that?!” Ryan crossed his arms and looked at Jeremy, “What the hell are you doing here? I told you to stay back home.” “Don't- Don’t change the subject!”

“Jeremy he's just trying to get into your head,” Ryan told him, “He's trying to corrupt you again.” Jeremy shook his head and put his palms over his face, “I'm not weak. I'm not weak. I'm not…” Ryan took Jeremy’s hands in his own, letting his Vagabond persona slip.

“I know you aren't weak. Don't let him get in your head Jer,” Ryan said as Jeremy made eye contact. Ryan moved one hand up to the back of Jeremy's hand and the other to the small of his back. He pulled Jeremy into his chest and held him close.

Jeremy started to calm down. He took in the reality of the situation and understood what Ryan was explaining. Nick just wanted to corrupt him- to force him to ruin the crew from the inside out. That's all it was. Jeremy took a deep breath, but it came out uneasy.

Ryan didn't let go of Jeremy as he pulled away, “How about you take my keys and go wait in my car?” Jeremy shook his head, “No. No, I'm staying and going back in there with you.” Ryan looked at him, “Jeremy..” Jeremy gave him a pleading look, to which Ryan sighed. “Just don't be scared of me.”

-

Jeremy stood in the doorway, hidden behind Geoff, still able to see. He told himself he was prepared for what Ryan would do, but he was wrong. He had never seen Ryan so… animalistic. Jeremy was glad he was on his good side.

He wasn't normally one to be faint at the sight of blood or gore. He grew up with it. Though, he would be lying if he said he didn't get sick watching Ryan work. Watching him pull fingers from Nick’s hands and carve and eyeball out of his skull..

Jeremy felt nauseous, but hidden in that nausea was a sense of relief. Ryan had cared enough about him -about his well being- that he would kill for him. And he did. Ryan made sure Nick suffered for what he did to Jeremy.

Geoff had called B-Team in to deal with the mess. He drove Ryan and Jeremy home as well. It was another quiet car ride. Jeremy couldn't help but stare out the window and try to get his mind off everything.

He felt someone put a hand over his own. He glanced down and saw a bloodied hand holding his. He followed the arm up to see Ryan facing out the window. Jeremy flipped his hand around under Ryan’s so he could intertwine their fingers. He could tell Ryan was worried, worried that Jeremy would be afraid, but Jeremy wasn't. He trusted Ryan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this ones shortish! Hope you liked it nonetheless. I'll be preparing for Hurricane Irma for the rest of the week so I probably won't be updating anytime soon, though. <3


	9. IX

Jeremy couldn't sleep. It was almost impossible. Just endless memories of how it felt to have his skin sliced and beaten. Not to mention the mental image of what Ryan had done to Nick. So he laid awake on his bed staring at the white ceiling and waiting for the sun to rise. Then he was up and barely making himself presentable.

 

He walked out and sat on the couch somehow squished between Michael and Gavin, who seemed to be impossible to split. Jeremy could have sworn they were a thing, but they would deny when he asked.

 

Jeremy had a bowl shoved into his hands. It was warm and smelled nice. He glanced down at it to see a scramble of eggs, bacon, and what looked like hash browns. He glanced up and saw Ryan standing above him, looking a lot cleaner than he did yesterday. Michael and Gavin got up and left the two alone.

 

Jeremy refused the food and went to hand it back to Ryan. Ryan's shook his head as he sat on the couch next to him, “Eat it.” Jeremy shook his head. He wasn't hungry and didn't think he could keep it down. “You won't get sick,” Ryan reassured him with a softer voice, “You need to eat.”

 

The fork clanked against the side of the bowl as Jeremy begrudgingly started to eat. He was surprised when his stomach didn't protest. Jeremy quickly devoured the food and Ryan went to take the plate to the sink. Jeremy looked up as Ryan sat back down next to him.

 

“Did you sleep last night?” Ryan asked. Jeremy stayed quiet. Ryan sighed, “Take a nap.” “I'm not tired,” Jeremy mumbled. “Don't make me lay with you,” Ryan joked and looked at him. Jeremy was too tired to understand it as a joke. 

 

Jeremy leaned against Ryan and shut his eyes. He went to curl up against him with little protest from a confused Ryan. The gent grabbed the closest thing to him that would work as a blanket -his jacket- and draped it over Jeremy’s chest. 

 

Jeremy smiled, still half asleep, enjoying the comfort of the jacket and how it smelled like the cologne Ryan always uses. He moved slightly and ended up laying in Ryan’s lap and soon had fallen fast asleep.

 

Ryan knew he was going to be stuck here, but somehow he didn't mind. Jeremy needed the rest. Ryan leaned back against the couch and draped an arm over Jeremy’s waist. He found it silly how beautiful Jeremy looked while he slept.

 

-

 

Waking up was always hard for Jeremy. This time it wasn't. He went to stretch, but felt his hand bump into something. He was quickly made aware of the pair of arms loosely wrapped around his torso, comforting him in a way he never thought possible. He could feel the warm breath on the back of his neck.

 

Jeremy couldn’t turn around to face this mysterious being holding him, but from the hands against his stomach, he could tell it was Ryan. His face turned six shades on red when Ryan moved in his sleep and pulled Jeremy close enough that he could feel Ryan’s chest againt his back.

 

“Ryan wake up,” Jeremy gulped and tried to pick Ryan’s arms off of him. He heard the man groan and felt his grip tighten slightly. “Five more minutes,” Ryan mumbled against the back of Jeremy’s neck. 

 

Jeremy managed to turn around to face Ryan and he noticed how truly close they were. Their noses were almost touching. The moment made Ryan blink his eyes open. Jeremy swore he lost it right then. 

 

The way Ryan’s icy blue eyes were warm with sleep. The way his lips curled into a small smile. The face paint almost completely smudged off, leaving the gent’s face bare for Jeremy to see. The way his black hair had come out of the tie it was normally in and was strung across the couch behind him, a little strand falling in front of his face.

 

Jeremy swore that’s when he fell in love with the masked man. Ryan would say otherwise. Jeremy didn’t care. He wanted this moment to last forever. Even if the rest of the crew would come out for lunch soon and make fun of them. 

 

Without thinking, Jeremy reached over and brushed the strand of hair behind Ryan’s ear. Ryan didn’t make a move to stop him. He knew exactly what the lad was thinking and he had the same thoughts. 

 

“I should um.. I should go shower,” Jeremy broke the silence after what felt like years, “Geoff wants to talk to me.” Ryan nodded and sat up, letting his arms pull away from Jeremy’s sides. Jeremy missed the touch already.

 

Jeremy got up, however, and made a beeline for the bathroom, snatching a towel on the way. He might have spent too long with his head ducked under water in an attempt to try and make his brain focus. He could hear the banging on the door. Michael yelling at him to get out already. Jeremy just ignored him. 

  
He couldn’t like Ryan. It wouldn’t end well. It never did. Hell, it was  _ Ryan _ , who was his coworker by sorts. Geoff might not even allow dating inside the crew. Jeremy just sighed and turned off the water, wrapping a towel around his waist, and heading straight to his room. _He was so unbelievably fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I'm not dead and back with a new one! This one got really cute and I love it. Next chapter coming soon.


	10. X

A pair of sweatpants and and old t-shirt thrown on later and Jeremy was headed down the hall to Geoff’s office. He wasn't told exactly what Geoff wanted, but he had a good idea of it. Possibly something to do with his little outburst at the warehouse.

“Have a seat Jeremy,” Geoff said in that awful ‘I’m your boss, not your friend’ tone of voice. Jeremy gulped and sat down as told, but stayed quiet. “Do you know why you're here?” Geoff asked him as he crossed his arms.

“Does it have something to do with what happened?” Jeremy asked and bit his lip. “Jeremy you could've gotten yourself killed,” Geoff snapped, making Jeremy jump back. He looked down at his hands resting in his lap, “I know it was stupid and I know I shouldn't have done it, but something in me just snapped. I know you're mad and I'm sorry.”

Geoff sighed as if he was releasing the steam built up from being angry, “I’m not mad at you.” His tone of voice had drastically changed to a more mellow one. It sounded almost as if he was a father who caught his son doing something stupid and didn't want to scold him because he was too relieved that his son wasn't injured. Jeremy wondered if he used that tone for everyone.

“I understand what you are feeling. I’ve been in your position a time or two,” Geoff started out. Jeremy couldn't picture it. _The_ Geoff Ramsey feeling helpless and a menace to the rest of the crew. “I know it stung to hear him saying those words, but you can't let it get to you. I know you aren't weak. I picked you personally for this crew because of your skills,” Geoff reassured him.

Geoff stood up and Jeremy did too. He started to feel worse for breaking into the warehouse like that. He watched the gent walk around his desk and over to Jeremy and, before he could protest, wrap his arms around his shoulders. Jeremy kept his emotions to the side as he hugged Geoff back.

It was professional, but it felt comforting. Geoff pulled back first and told him to go play some video games with the lads or do something to cheer him up. Jeremy nodded and thanked him as he left the room. He stood in the hallway for the longest time before he slowly made his way down the opposite end from the living room.

There was a fire escape out of the window at the end of the hall. Jeremy made sure no one was around as he pushed the window open and climbed out onto the fire escape. The wind hit him first and made him wish he brought a jacket. He glanced up and noticed the ladder leading to the roof. Jeremy climbed up and sat on the opposite ledge, hit back to the ladder.

He looked out at the city and took it in. All the people down below living a normal life as if nothing happened. All the buildings with lights on as people got to work. All the cars driving by to places unknown. Jeremy took it all in as he sat there. He was selfish to feel this way about what happened when there was someone out there who had is significantly worse.

He squeezed his arms close to his chest and rubbed at them to keep warm. Despite the city being high in temperature normally, the fall season called for cooler wind gusts. Jeremy sighed and swung his feet over the ledge as he looked straight down and felt uneasy. His fear of heights kicked in, but he didn't look away.

Jeremy felt something being draped over his shoulder and the familiar smell of cologne and leather took over him. He pulled the jacket tight around his chest as he looked over to see Ryan moving to sit on the ground, back pressed against the ledge as he looked up at Jeremy, urging him to sit beside him.

Jeremy complied and sat beside him. Ryan put an arm around Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled him close. Jeremy pressed against Ryan’s chest. He was overwhelmed by the comfort and safety he felt. Neither said a word as Jeremy started to shake and tears fell from his closed eyes. Ryan just pulled him closer.

Jeremy didn't know why, but he felt Ryan press his lips to the top of his head. He pushed off of Ryan and sniffled as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. Ryan looked back at him with an arm still around Jeremy’s shoulders.

“What was that for?” Jeremy asked with his voice still wavering from crying. “What was what for?” Ryan asked and sounded completely oblivious. “The kiss to my head,” Jeremy said. He blushed and looked down. It sounded stupid to say it out loud.

Ryan lifted Jeremy’s head up by his chin. Jeremy tried to look away, but he couldn’t. Ryan’s eyes were filled with kindness and… Did he just look down at Jeremy’s lips like that? Before a proper question was allowed to be asked, Jeremy noticed the space between them getting smaller.

He panicked and froze up as he noticed Ryan close his eyes. Their lips pressed together and Jeremy was in shock. His body made an action before his mind could stop him and suddenly he was kissing Ryan back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes okay this chapter was a mess but it's cute anyways so I hope you enjoyed.


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it's cute and it's leading up to the Big Thing™ so enjoy and prepare yourselves

It didn't seem natural. It was rushed and foreign. Like the universe had a blueprint and Jeremy just threw away the paper. It wasn't planned, but damn was it good. Suddenly, everything wrong seemed to melt away.

Ryan pulled back with his hand still on Jeremy’s chin. Jeremy missed the contact already as he blinked his eyes open and looked at Ryan. The gent was smiling. An ‘almost smirk, but not really getting the point’ kind of smile that made Jeremy weak.

“What was that for?” Jeremy asked as he broke the silence. “It was long overdue,” Ryan replied. His smile never broke. Jeremy wondered if this was some kind of dream because he just had to be dreaming right? Ryan just couldn't like him back.

But here he was, having just kissed Jeremy with his lips curled on one side. The sunlight was just dim enough to show Ryan’s features so beautifully. Jeremy wanted to capture this moment in a picture and keep it forever.

“You're staring,” Ryan said and tilted his head slightly. Jeremy looked away embarrassed as his cheeks heated to a rosy pink, “Sorry.” “Hey it's okay,” Ryan said and turned Jeremy to look at him again. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Jeremy’s forehead.

Jeremy chewed on his bottom lip as he leaned against Ryan’s chest again. He felt Ryan’s arm wrap around his waist tugging him closer. Jeremy began to realize how comforting this was. How at home he felt.

“I know you're hurting and I know you feel alone, but I want you to know I'm here for you,” Ryan said with a low voice. Jeremy moved his head up to look at Ryan. “Y’know you aren't as bad as they cut you out to be,” he joked slightly.

Ryan stifled a laugh as he looked at Jeremy, “Can't keep the facade up for everyone, now can I?” Jeremy chuckled and smiled a bit, “Guess so. But why me?” “Why not you?” Ryan asked and Jeremy looked down.

He thought about it and he more he did the more the weight on his chest grew. Ryan didn't like him. He was only taking pity of Jeremy. “I'm weak,” he said, “I’m weak and I let him get to me and I didn't listen to you and-”

“Jeremy stop. I don't care about any of that,” Ryan interrupted him. Jeremy lips pressed into a thin line as he looked at him. “You were hurt in ways that some people can't even comprehend. If you happen to lash out or do something stupid because of that, it's not your fault.”

It was silent again, but only for a few seconds before Jeremy spoke up. “You're not the Ryan I met at first,” he said with a slight chuckle, “You've gone soft.” He flashed a small smile at Ryan, but the smile dropped when Ryan looked dead serious.

“If you tell anyone about this I'll carve your bones out with my knife,” Ryan deadpanned. Jeremy paled and gulped as he pushed off Ryan. He was right. This was all fake. Just a plan that Ryan made because he pitied Jeremy. He felt stupid for thinking the gent would ever think of him in that way.

But then Ryan laughed and pulled Jeremy back to his chest. Jeremy was confused and worried. “I’m kidding, I'm kidding,” Ryan said. His laughter died down to small giggles until it died completely. “You should've seen the look on your face.”

Jeremy lightly slapped Ryan's chest and huffed at him, “You scared me you asshole. That wasn't funny.” Ryan smiled goofily at him, “Oh believe me it was funny.” “Was not! I thought you hated me and the kiss didn't mean anything,” Jeremy mumbled the last part.

“Hey that's not true,” Ryan frowned and lightly cupped Jeremy’s cheeks, “I kissed you for a reason dumbass.” Jeremy leaned into his touch and sighed, “Don't joke like that again.” “I won't,” Ryan smiled and planted a kiss to his forehead.


	12. XII

The crew never questioned why Ryan and Jeremy spent more time together than normal. They never asked why Ryan left his mask and face paint off when Jeremy was around. They never brought up when they noticed Ryan pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s forehead every time he left the room.

Jeremy was recovering. He was less jumpy and more relaxed. He participated more when the lads asked him out for bevs or when Geoff asked him to help with the weapons stock. He hung out with Matt and Trevor. A weekly competition of Mario Kart on Wednesdays had been set up between them, but they refused to admit it.

Sometimes, when Jeremy had his bad days, he would sit up on the roof accompanied by the older, dark haired male. Once, Gavin was trying to pull a prank on the two, which resulted in Jeremy panicking. Ryan snapped at Gavin for upsetting him. The crew knew not to bother them when they were up there after that.

Geoff had declared Jeremy as fit to work once again. Jeremy was happy to say the least. He wanted to prove himself to Geoff after what happened before. (Though Jeremy clearly proved himself in Geoff’s eyes for recovering as fast as he did.)  
  
A heist was to be set in place. Something simple just to get their blood pumping. A simple corner store robbery that wouldn’t involve much preparation. Just a couple of getaway vehicles and guns loaded up.

Jeremy almost slid into the heist room. His shoulder smashed against the doorway as Michael shoved in beside him with a laugh. Jeremy huffed as he made his way to a seat and slunk down into it. He looked around at the other.

Michael was sat across from him, Ryan was to his left, Jack was on Michael’s right, and Geoff was stood up by the white board on the wall. Trevor seemed to be in on this as he stood up next to Geoff. Gavin was out on vacation, Jeremy believed, so he wouldn’t be joining them.

“Alright assholes,” Geoff started out and pressed his palms on the table, leaning on them, “Just cause it’s a simple heist doesn’t mean I want you fucking around and getting yourselves hurt, got it?” There was a murmur of agreement from everyone.

Geoff smiled as he went to slip into the empty seat beside him. Everyone was quite confused and raised their brows at Geoff. He never sat when giving directions. Jeremy watched as Geoff turned and face Trevor. “What’s going on?” Jeremy asked the question everyone was thinking.

“I put Trevor in charge for this one,” Geoff shrugged, “The kid has leadership skills and I thought I’d test them out.” No further questions were asked. Trevor and Jeremy shared an excited look before the taller man cleared his throat.

“Alright,” Trevor said and clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention. Jeremy jumped at the loud noise and earned Ryan’s hand resting on his thigh to relax him. Trevor went to uncap an expo marker to write on the board, “Here’s the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright sorry this chapter is on the short side, but I have some Good Shit Planned for the next chapter so enjoy this bit for now.


	13. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup dudes I’m back and here to break your hearts. Enjoy! (Also ignore spelling mistakes. I’m tired lmao.)

It was beautifully planned out. It was almost like a play. Everyone had a part and memorized their lines to the very last word. Scenes were written and acts were to be put on. A show for the masses. Sure, it was simple. A robbery that they’ve done time and time again. It was different this time, though, with Trevor in charge. No one knew it yet, but it sure was different this time around.

Trevor was going to stay at the base and monitor everyone, offering medical help with Matt if needed. Jeremy was nervous for both Trevor and himself. He was proud of his friend for the position he was put in and didn’t want to let him down. He didn’t want to disappoint him.

Everyone was piled into two different armored cars. Jack, Michael, and Gavin in one; Geoff driving the other with Jeremy and Ryan. Jeremy was so fucking nervous. He could do this right? It wasn’t like before. He didn’t think he could handle the chaos after what happened. Jeremy was freaking out and it must have been noticeable.

Ryan slipped his hand into Jeremy’s and squeezed it. “Relax,” he said, “You’re going to be fine.” Jeremy listened and looked at him with worried eyes. Ryan could tell exactly what he was thinking. “You aren’t going to fuck anything up,” Ryan told him honestly. Jeremy nodded and sighed as he glanced out of the window. Ryan’s right, he thought to himself, I’ll be fine.

When they all arrived and got into position, Trevor gave them the signal to go. It almost seemed choreographed with how flawlessly they moved. Jack and Gavin stayed in the car; Jack preparing to drive back immediately, and Gavin was working on getting the safe opened. Michael and Geoff pressed themselves against the wall next to the front entrance, guns at the ready. Ryan nodded at Jeremy as they held their guns steady.

With one kick, the doors were slammed open and the two rushed in with guns pointing at everyone and everything and voices loud. Geoff and Michael followed behind and rushed over to the safe. Jeremy could faintly hear Michael complaining that he wasn’t allowed to just blow the door off the safe. He stifled a laugh as he focused on the hostages.

“Got the money,” Geoff shouted after a few moments, “Everyone haul ass!” The crew rushed out to the sounds of police sirens. All following one after another like some sort of assembly line shooting down those who threatened to chase after them. Michael threw a few grenades and let them roll towards the police cruisers, laughing maniacally as they exploded into destructive flames.

“Shit! Fall back, fall back!” Jack’s voice filled the comms in their ears. Gunshots could be heard from her end. “The cops rounded the alleyway and are hot on our tails,” she said. “Split up,” Geoff told the crew left with him, “Wait out the heat and head back to the penthouse.” The three others nodded and took off in different directions. They were harder targets if they moved on their own.

Jeremy moved quick. His breath was hot in his throat as he ran, pistol in hand and hat shielding his worried eyes. He could hear sirens that sounded close. Too close. The flashing lights soon filled the alley Jeremy was in and he panicked. He started to fire his gun blindly. This couldn’t be happening. Bullet after bullet riddled the car in front of him and the wall behind him.

Adrenaline flowed through his veins and didn’t allow him to fully feel the bullet that passed through his abdomen. Jeremy brushed it off and continued to shoot, one hand clutched over the wound. He managed to shoot down the two cops who cornered him. Their car was still usable so Jeremy pushed the bodies aside and slid into the passenger’s seat. He hit the gas and drove to a parking garage, hiding until the heat died down slightly. There were voices filling his comm asking if he was okay. Jeremy replied back saying he was waited it out until he could get a less flashy car.

Jeremy took a deep breath and pushed out of the car. The pain was finally setting in and he did his best to ignore it. He found a car inconspicuous enough that he would be fine to drive back in. He made quick work of breaking in and hotwiring the car. His wound ached and he didn’t dare look at it as he slid into the driver’s seat and made his way to the penthouse.

Halfway there, Jeremy started to cough. He started to feel lightheaded and weak. “Come on Jeremy. You can make it,” he mumbled to himself slightly. Jeremy had to pull over when he became too weak to even steer. When he stopped the car, he peeled his hand away from his stomach and looked over the wound.

There was a hole right through his shirt, tearing through his skin, and bleeding excessively. Jeremy swore it hit an organ. His eyes started to tear up as he leaned his head back and pressed his comm. “Anybody close by -fucking hell- the airport?” “Yeah,” Ryan’s voice filled his ear, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

Jeremy pressed his hand harder against his wound. He couldn’t find it in him to answer Ryan. Everything started to get fuzzy. His clothes stuck to his skin soaked in his own blood that shouldn’t be out of his body. This couldn’t happen. Jeremy didn’t want to die like this. He.. he let them down. He let everyone down. He fucked up and now he was paying the price with his life.

“Jeremy,” Ryan called over the comms. Jeremy could hear the engine of a car speeding down the highway behind his voice. “Jeremy you better fucking answer me.” Nothing. Jeremy couldn’t form words. The pain started to subside, but only slightly. He was never going to make it home; never going to see Ryan again.

Jeremy never got to tell Ryan how much he loved him. He never got to tell him that Ryan helped him in more ways than ever possible. He never got to take it to the next level as silly as that sounds. All the words left unsaid… Jeremy couldn’t stop the sobs that escaped him. Maybe this was payback for everything he’s done in the past. Every person he killed. Every lie he told. Every dollar he stole. Maybe it was life catching up to him when it hadn’t before, the thrill of it all just leaving so quickly. Too quickly.

Ryan arrived quicker than Jeremy thought he would. The gent was pulling him out of the car in into his own. A couple curse words littered on his tongue. Jeremy was barely conscious as Ryan laid him in the backseat and tried his best to turn a strip of ripped fabric into a tourniquet. It wouldn’t do much good. He had lost too much blood already.

Jeremy hardly processed Ryan getting into the driver’s seat. He didn’t even feel the car start to move. “Don’t you die on me.” Ryan’s voice sounded distant. “Jesus Jeremy we were supposed to go together. You and I.” Jeremy managed out a small laugh, though it sounded more like a huff of stale air. “Hey keep making noise okay? Talk to me, Jer. Say something.”

“Shoulda seen those cops,” Jeremy mustered out. His voice was low and hoarse. Ryan almost didn’t hear it. “Yeah? You fuck ‘em up good?” Ryan said. A small, sad smile curled his lips up. Jeremy nodded weakly, “Fucked ‘em up all...alright.” “Proud of you,” Ryan told him and truly meant it, “We all are.”

Jeremy barely smiled. He didn’t have the energy to show it much. Ryan caught a glimpse of it as he pulled up to the hospital. “I love you,” Jeremy mustered out, slightly more coherent. Ryan’s heart almost broke. “I love you,” he said back to the lad.

Ryan rushed to the side of the car and went to pull Jeremy out of the car. Jeremy winced and loosely   
clung to him. Ryan ran into the hospital and pulled a doctor to the side. One flash of a knife and the doctor was willing to help.


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, don’t hate me. Second of all, very heavy mentions of hospitals and all related to that.

“You’re lying. I brought him here so you could fix him,” Ryan’s voice bounced off the white walls of the quiet hospital room. He was angry and anyone who overheard the conversation knew. The black and white skull paint on his face was making his frustrated demeanor even more terrifying.

The doctor sighed and shuffled nervously, “We.. we tried. Not only had he lost an excessive amount of blood, but the bullet damaged his liver. We tried our best to save him, but despite our b-“

“Fuck your best efforts. You bring him back to me and you do it now,” Ryan snapped. His finger jabbing against the doctor’s chest hard, hard enough to cause bruising. “If he dies, then I will not hesitate to ruin that white coat of yours.”

The doctor visibly gulped and looked at Ryan with wide eyes, “W-We can try putting him on the organ donation list, but that could take weeks -months- before a donation comes. H-He would have to be stuck in this hospital room until then for who knows how long.”

Ryan slowly pulled his hand away from the doctor and contemplated this. If Jeremy was to stay in this hospital -if his name was put on that list- then they risked the potential of the LSPD using this as a weak spot. They couldn’t have weak spots.

Ryan glanced over to Jeremy’s body that lay limp on the bed. He was hooked up to more tubes and wires than Ryan count count on both hands. Jeremy’s face was too pale for it to look natural. His skin seemed thinner. His eyes sunk back into his head almost. Ryan cursed himself for not getting to Jeremy faster.

He turned back to the doctor and grabbed his collar. “I want you to put him on the top of that list under a different name. If I even so much as hear any resemblance to his real name or that you blabbed your idiotic mouth, I will murder you.”

The doctor nodded frantically and tried to remain calm. Ryan released his shirt collar and let his hand drop to his side. He needed to relax. Geoff would not be happy if he found out Ryan just murdered this guy right here. Hell, Geoff is mad. Ryan knew that. Why wouldn’t geoff be mad if Ryan and Jeremy just dropped off the face of the earth for five hours?

Speaking of, he should probably call Geoff. Maybe he should text him. No, he couldn’t explain everything in text. Geoff could put him on speakerphone and allow everyone to hear what he was explaining. Yeah… Ryan should call him. Ryan watched as the doctor made his way out of the room, mumbling about having to deal with some of the patients he had.

Ryan made sure the door closed and the blinds were closed as well. He knew the cameras in the room were down; he shut them off himself. Ryan sighed and slipped into the chair next to Jeremy’s bedside, pulling it close so there was virtually no room. Ryan took out his phone with one hand, absentmindedly slipping his other hand into Jeremy’s cold one. He rubbed circles onto Jeremy’s skin.

Ryan dialed Geoff’s number and waited. Each ring making him nervous. He took a deep breath to get some of his facade back. Then he heard a click and distant yelling before Geoff answered. “You stupid fucking idiot!” Geoff greeted. Ryan didn’t laugh like he normally would.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier,” Ryan sighed and said. “Damn right you should be sorry! Where the hell are you anyways? Where’s Jeremy? Is he okay?” Geoff’s voice went from angry to straight up worried. “Well Geoff..” Ryan started out, trying to find the right words, “You might want to call the whole crew in for this.”

Ryan could hear shuffling on the other end of the phone before Geoff cleared his throat. “Everyone is here. Now tell us what the hell is going on.” Ryan glanced over to Jeremy and frowned a bit at his closed eyes. Would they ever open again? He thought to himself.

“Jeremy was shot during the heist. I’m sure you guys heard over the comms. The bullet went through his liver and he needs a new one,” Ryan said and rubbed Jeremy’s hand still, “He’s on a donor list. I pulled some strings and got him on the top of the list. Don’t worry, no identities are out.”

Geoff sighed. A long sigh that sounded like it held way too many emotions. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Jack’s voice piped up, “Is he okay? Can he hear us?” Ryan bit his lip, “He’s.. he’s in a medically induced coma. Even if he could hear, he couldn’t do anything about it.”

“How the fuck could you let this happen?” Michael’s voice yelled over the others, “Ryan seriously what the fuck?!” Ryan could hear Gavin trying to calm Michael down. It ended with a door slamming and Michael’s voice not being heard any longer. Ryan assumed Michael stormed out.

“I’m sorry guys. I really tried to get to him in time,” Ryan said in the best monotone voice he could manage. A straight face with the crew was ideal. If Ryan was being honest with himself (which he wasn’t), he was going to resort back to his old self and this was the beginning. “At least I managed to get him to the hospital.”

“You better text me what hospital and what room. I’m coming down immediately,” Geoff snapped before hanging up the phone. Ryan quickly sent a text back with the information Geoff wanted. Ryan started to regret calling Geoff. The whole crew definitely hated him now.


	15. XV

Ryan was left alone with Jeremy, though Trevor was waiting outside of the room. Ryan sighed as he sat in that same uncomfortable hospital chair. He hand his hand in Jeremy’s, rubbing a thumb over it and looking at his pale face. Surely he would wake up soon.

“Maybe you can hear me,” Ryan mumbled to himself. “Maybe you can’t. Maybe I’m just a freak sitting here talking to my half dead boyfriend.” Ryan stifled a laugh. “Boyfriends. Is that what we are? Can I call you that? I wouldn’t mind you calling me that.” Ryan sighed and ran a hand through his black hair.

“If I had known you were shot this bad, I would’ve came to you sooner. You can’t die on me, you hear? I can’t do it without you. You keep me sane, Jeremy.” Ryan could feel tears prick his eyes and he bit them back. He couldn’t cry. He never cried. “You’re too young, Jer, too innocent. You deserve to live out the rest of your life and do something with it. It should be me in your spot.” He couldn’t help the tear that fell, rubbing them and smearing his face paint.

Ryan heard the door creak open and he glanced up to see Trevor walk in. He looked worse than he did this morning. The bags under his eyes had gotten darker and Ryan could just tell he hadn’t eaten all day.

“Kinda got nervous of being alone,” Trevor mumbled a bit, “Kinda also wanted to see him.” He motioned to Jeremy. Ryan didn’t say anything, just looked back at his hand in Jeremy’s. He could hear Trevor saunter over to the chair on the other side of Jeremy’s hospital bed. Silence took over the room and laid heavy on their shoulders.

“Have you been crying?” Trevor broke the silence. His voice wavered as if unsure what the consequences of asking that question to Ryan of all people would be. Ryan glanced up at Trevor for a quick second. He didn’t feel the need to answer the younger man’s question, but somehow he wasn’t angry that he knew. Neither spoke after that.

“They found a perfect match,” Ryan told Trevor after a few minutes of the blanketed silence. “Out in Del Perro. Guy had a motorcycle accident that knocked him out cold.” Trevor listened intently. “He isn’t an organ donor. They gotta get the family to sign off,” Ryan finished explaining.

“At least there’s some hope,” Trevor said and flashed a small smile, “Could send B-Team up there to try and convince them. I mean.. he doesn’t need the liver right? Jeremy needs it.” Ryan didn’t answer that. He felt like Trevor was talking out loud to himself at this point so the question was deemed rhetorical.

Ryan glanced over the monitors that Jeremy was hooked up to. He read the vitals and took note of them. Jeremy’s heart rate was normal and so was everything else. He pondered over what Trevor said. Maybe they should send someone to talk to the family. Ryan scoffed. Like the Fakes would just talk to someone if it meant someone in the crew would live.

Trevor shifted in his seat and rubbed at his arms. Ryan looked at him and tried to read his expression. Ryan could tell he was hiding how scared he was that Jeremy wasn’t going to make it. The gent felt worse. Ryan was the one that could’ve stopped this. He was the reason that Jeremy was on this bed. He was the reason that the crew was on stand still, watching, waiting, begging for some higher being to give them their colorful lad back.

Trevor spoke with a hushed voice. His eyes were downcast as if he refused to look at Ryan. “Jeremy was some nerdy kid who wanted to fit in but still wanted to be different. He was a unique one.” Trevor laughed at some fond memory as Ryan listened. “Jeremy, Matt, and I were one hell of team.”

“He’s a real amazing person,” Ryan said, agreeing with Trevor. He planted a kiss to Jeremy’s forehead, “Way too good for someone like me.” “That’s not true,” Trevor argued and looked at him, “You remind me of my brother. Hard shell on the outside, but on the inside you’re the complete opposite.”

“May be true for your brother, but it isn’t for me,” Ryan said. “You can’t say that. You didn’t know him. I know both of you and from what Jeremy told me, you’re kind, not cold hearted. James was the same.” Ryan cringed slightly hearing the name James. Trevor didn’t noticed and continued to speak, “He put up this mask for others, but I could see what was hidden underneath. He was a good kid.”

“Was?” Ryan asked, with the slightest hint of concern showing, “What happened to him?” Trevor rubbed the back of his neck and looked down, “He uh.. he got into some trouble with a gang. Called me up one night and told me he was sorry, but he couldn’t see me again. Couldn’t talk to me anymore. I was maybe five then, he had to be at least sixteen.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know this isn’t Jeremy centric at the end, but I swear this is important sub plot for what I have planned in future chapters. Hope you enjoyed for the time being and Happy Halloween suckers! >:)


	16. XVI

Ryan froze up. He looked Trevor over. His features and his expression. Shit, he thought, how did he not recognize Trevor -or even the fucking name. Did he Really block that much of his childhood out of his brain? Should he tell Trevor? Should he leave it be until he knows it for sure? Ryan sighed, accidentally drawing Trevor’s gaze to his own.

Trevor could see the deer in headlights look in Ryan’s eyes. He could tell something was off with the gent because he never had that look. “What’s up?” Trevor asked him. Ryan stayed silent, trying to come up with the perfect way to tell Trevor. Ryan settled on a small smile and leaned back a bit, “Makes sense I don’t actually mind your company.” Trevor raised a brow at him and looked slightly annoyed, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan rubbed his chin slightly and looked at Trevor, “You really grew up to be a good man. Kinda bummed you chose crime instead of building spaceships or whatever the hell you wanted to do.” Ryan watched Trevor’s expression go from confused to surprised. “I.. I never told anyone about that.” Trevor’s voice was concerned and scared. Ryan shrugged, “Surprise. Almost twenty years later too.”

“You have to be lying,” Trevor said and stood up. Ryan watched him. Trevor moved over next to Ryan and held out his hand. “Let me see your arm,” Trevor demanded. Ryan obligated but raised a brow. Trevor pushed up Ryan’s jacket sleeve and looked over his forearm. His eyes went wide when they landed on what they wanted. Ryan followed his gaze to a scar on his right arm near his elbow.

“No fucking way,” Trevor said in pure shock. “What? The scar? I’ve had it for years,” Ryan told him. “You were trying to catch me,” Trevor said and dropped Ryan’s arm, “You were walking to the school to come get me, but I tripped and you fell trying to catch me.” Ryan nodded a bit. He could almost picture the memory as if it were yesterday. “You remember that?” Ryan asked him.

Trevor nodded and stayed quiet. The room lay still for a few moments. Both men pondering over the insane information they just learned. Trevor lunged forward and slapped Ryan’s chest, “You’re a fucking ass!” Ryan rubbed where Trevor hit and looked at him, “Okay. I deserve that.” “You walked out on me and-and left me with those shithead people. I was five Ryan! Five! I looked up to you.”

Ryan frowned slightly and shook his head, “I was doing it to protect you! I had a gang up my ass trying to kill me and I didn’t want them to get to y-” “But they did,” Trevor interrupted, “They found me two years after and made my life hell.” “Trev-” “Don’t,” Trevor said, “Don’t because this is insane. I don’t even know what emotion to feel.”

Ryan hadn’t realized Trevor was still talking. He zoned out slightly and his eyes moved over to Jeremy still laying on the bed. Ryan sighed. He adjusted his hand to hold Jeremy’s more comfortably. Ryan looked over at Trevor, who was still talking. “Trevor,” Ryan interrupted. Trevor kept talking. “Trevor,” Ryan said a little more aggressively, “Shut the hell up for a second, would you?”

Trevor huffed and crossed his arms. “What are you even mad about?” Ryan said in a tone that seemed as if he was comically concerned. Trevor’s brows furrowed as he thought. He looked right at Ryan and fumed with words. “Because now I know that you’re James, my fucking brother, it makes it super awkward.” “You’re mad about awkwardness?” Ryan let out a small laugh.

“I’m mad because I thought the Vagabond killed James. And- and I swore vengeance like some cheesy ass super villain. Jeremy talked me out of it when he found out about the Fakes. Told me I was crazy and my brother wasn’t dead and the Vagabond didn’t kill him. I listened and now here I am. The kingpin of this crew I hated for years up my ass about taking over and the man I loathed turns out to be my brother,” Trevor rambled and moved over and leaned against the wall.

Ryan sat stunned by his words, but one thing stuck out to him. “Geoff’s stepping down?” Trevor scoffed, “Yeah. Yeah he’s stepping down and I go off on this whole rant and that’s the thing you pick out.” “Hey, I’m proud of you,” Ryan blurted out, ignoring the way Trevor was still angry. “What?” Trevor asked with so much confusion. “I said I’m proud of you,” Ryan shrugged.

“You became this smart, skilled kid, Trevor,” Ryan explained, “Someone who is a hell of a lot better than I was and ever will be.” Trevor’s mood softened and he let his shoulders drop slightly, “That’s not true at all.” “Look at this situation. I’m the reason this happened to Jeremy.” “You couldn’t have done anything,” Trevor argued, “How would you have known he was shot? How could you have gotten there any faster?”

Trevor pushed off the wall and slowly moved over to Ryan’s side. “Jeremy’s tough. He’s young and he’ll bounce back from this. Kid was always telling me one bullet wouldn’t bring him down and you bet your ass he meant it.” “I split up from him,” Ryan protested, “I could’ve went with him and stopped this before it ever happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man there it is. Hope this chapter was good! Y’all are gonna get Pissed™ in the next chapter, so get ready.


	17. XVII

A week. It had taken a whole week for Ryan to even build up the audacity to look anyone of the crew in the eyes after his talk with Trevor. He had sat things over, been forced to eat something by Jack. Geoff made him drink water and take a damn shower. Ryan was a mess.

The crew was visiting today. Geoff had a plan and he was going to announce it. “We’re going to see the donor,” he said, “Convince the family to sign off _calmly_. Ryan’s coming with me.” They listened and nodded.

Trevor shot a worried glance Ryan’s way but said nothing. Ryan followed Geoff out. They made it to the car and started on their way to the other hospital. Just be convincing. Just be convincing. Ryan kept repeating in his mind.

“You’re staying in the car,” Geoff told him, “Unless you wipe that face paint off your face.” “I’d rather stay in the car. Don’t think I could handle being in another hospital,” Ryan said and scrunched up his face to seal the deal.

Sure it wasn’t a total lie. Ryan really didn’t want to be in another hospital, but in reality, he didn’t think he could keep himself from lashing out. Geoff didn’t notice. “I’ll have you on call in my pocket so you can hear the ordeal.”

Ryan scratched at his hand, digging his nails into the flesh. He needed the feeling to keep himself calm. A glance to Geoff showed of the scowl on the older man’s face. Ryan knew he caused this. He caused all of _this_.

—

Geoff was true to his word. Ryan sat in the car hidden in one of the parking garages. He listened to Geoff trying to explain the situation to the family. He could hear Geoff practically begging for them to sign off. Yet the family wouldn’t budge. They said they refused to let their family member be cut into and torn apart.

Ryan’s blood was boiling. That man was _dead_ and Jeremy wasn’t. “We can’t,” a woman pleaded with Geoff, “He’s my husband. I can’t watch him being torn up.” “My boy is dying,” Geoff told her, “He’s young. He _needs_ this.” Ryan glanced down at his hands, down at the gun hidden by his feet. “I’m sorry sir,” the lady said, “I’m sure it won’t be too hard for the doctors to find another donor.”

Ryan picked up the gun. He tucked it in his waistband and concealed it with his jacket. Ryan hung up the phone with Geoff and pushed out of the car. His eyes were dark with anger and his hands were clenched. He slammed the car door and made his way to the room, pathing out the way Geoff described over the phone.

He could here the woman still arguing with Geoff as he arrived to the room. Ryan pushed the door open and his gun was out in an instance. He pressed the barrel against the woman’s forehead and saw the fear in her eyes. The children in the room stood and Geoff reached for Ryan’s arm. “Don’t,” Ryan growled slightly at Geoff as he stared down the woman.

“What kind of horrible woman do you have to be to do this?” Ryan asked, voice low and menacing. “You have children. Wouldn’t you want someone to be a donor for them if something happened? Wouldn’t you _beg_ for their good health?” The woman was trembling with fear. She shot a worried glance to her kids as Ryan’s gun aimed for them. “You wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, now would you?”

Geoff was starting to get worried. He didn’t think Ryan could control himself enough. “Please don’t hurt them,” the lady begged, voice quivering. The two kids held onto each other and started to cry. Ryan aimed the gun at the woman again. “I-I’ll do anything. Just don’t hurt them!” “Sign the papers,” Ryan demanded, “Pick that pen up and sign them right now.”

The woman’s hands trembled with fear as she picked up the pen and paper on the bedside table. She scribbled off a signature and Ryan snatched the paper as he lowered his gun. Geoff assured the lady and her kids that everything was going to be fine and to not call the cops. Ryan slapped the paper against Geoff’s chest. No words came out of his mouth as he walked out of the room, taking the back way out of the building.

Ryan stayed standing and leaned against the car waiting for Geoff. He knew damn well that Geoff was pissed at him for pulling something like that, but he needed to. He needed to do this for Jeremy. _Ryan_ caused this and he was going to fix it _himself_. Maybe pointing a gun at an innocent woman and her children wasn’t the best way to do it, but he just couldn’t stop himself.

“What in the high hell do you think you were pulling in there Ryan?!” He heard Geoff’s voice before he saw Geoff. The man came stomping out of the shadows. His fists immediately found themselves wrapped around the collar of Ryan’s jacket and pulling him to eye level. Ryan could see the pure anger in Geoff’s eyes. “This was a discrete mission and you come running in there with your fucking gun!”

“You weren’t getting anywhere with that bullshit acting of yours. I just gave her a little push.” Ryan should’ve kept his mouth shut. His job was on the line for pulling that stunt. Geoff slammed Ryan back against the car and almost growled at him. Ryan was starting to see a resemblance between Geoff and Michael when they got angry. “You better keep your damn mouth shut and hope to god we haven’t blown our cover or I’ll blow your _head_ off, Haywood.”

“Have you seen the news?” Ryan snapped and pushed Geoff back. Something in him snapped that should’ve stayed glued together. He towered over Geoff and looked down on him, “It’s already out that one of the Fakes’ very own is near dead. And you know who’s fault that is? _Mine_. So why don’t you back the fuck off and let me do what I want? I wasn’t going to kill that woman. Especially not in front of her children and _especially_ not in a hospital.”

Geoff pushed himself to his feet and looked at Ryan. He threw a punch at him, landing square in the jaw. Ryan didn’t budge. He stood still and watched as Geoff released hell on him. Something in Ryan didn’t feel like fighting back. Geoff threw another punch and landing right in Ryan’s stomach. Another one at his nose. Ryan felt the bruises and the blood on his skin before he saw them. He waited for Geoff to finish before wiping the blood from his nose. “Are you done?”

Geoff was breathing heavy. His hands were limp at his sides and his eyes downcast. He glanced up at Ryan as he stood back and nodded. “Get all your anger out?” Ryan asked, sounded surprisingly calm after letting his boss -well ex boss now- beat him up. “Fuck you,” Geoff mumbled and sighed, “Just get in the car.” Ryan nodded as he slipped into the passenger’s seat. He ignored the way his sides ache and his inability to breathe right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TV announced voice]: Is Ryan officially losing it? Find out in the next episode of Man Gone Wild.
> 
> —
> 
> Didn’t see that end coming did you? I honestly didn’t either. I was just writing and it happened so.. but hey I’ll be back soon with the next one!


	18. XVIII

“You’re an idiot. A complete and total fucking moron,” Trevor mumbled as he pushed Ryan against his car. Ryan rolled his eyes, “Hey watch it.” “Just shut up while I fix your wounds, asshole,” Trevor mumbled and started to pressed ice packs he stole against Ryan’s bruises, “I can’t believe you.” “At least he didn’t shoot me,” Ryan muttered under his breath. Trevor pushed on one of Ryan’s bruises earning a wince from the older man. “But he could have.”

“You pulled out a gun in the middle of the hospital,” Trevor snapped, “You should be glad that know one saw you to call the cops.” “Trevor,” Ryan started out and winced a bit as Trevor started to dab alcohol on a small cut, “I know it was stupid. But you don’t have the right to yell at me for it. You don’t make my damn decisions.”

“Okay, fine, whatever,” Trevor sighed and finished patching him up. It was quiet between the two as Ryan fixed his shirt. Trevor’s phone buzzed and broke the silence. Ryan watched as he checked it. “They just took Jeremy into surgery,” Trevor said with his eyes locked on the screen. Ryan felt a little bit victorious. “Geoff says he needs to talk to us.” Trevor added on and glanced up at Ryan. Ryan’s victory feeling left him almost immediately.

The walk over to where Geoff’s car was parked in the parking garage was awful. Ryan felt his shoulders fall heavy with the weight of guilt. His harsh persona spilled out of him and washed away with the water from the rain outside. He could see Geoff on the phone as they approached him. Trevor patted Ryan’s shoulder to help him relax, but Ryan flinched. Geoff hung up the phone when he saw the two.

“Hey Geoff,” Trevor smiled and stood next to Ryan. His voice wasn’t worried or angry like it was with Ryan just minutes ago. “Trevor, Ryan,” Geoff greeted and looked at the two, “I just got off the phone with the family. The wife isn’t going to press any charges for your stupid act. I had to give her some compensation, which you two are going to make up to me.”

Ryan stayed quiet. That was fair. Besides, he had a little extra cash he could spare that could at least cover half. Trevor, however, was not happy. His brows furrowed and he let out a disgruntled noise. “Why am I involved in this?” Trevor whined. “Well you’re going to be the boss soon right? Gotta learn to take blame for your crew,” Geoff crossed his arms and leaned back against his car.

Trevor sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets, “Fine whatever. I can pay up.” It was quiet again. Ryan could feel everyone’s eyes on him, but he looked down. He caused this. Both of them were mad at Ryan and it was his own fault. This was just like- “Ryan,” Geoff snapped his fingers in front of Ryan’s face, “Earth to Haywood.” Ryan looked up at Geoff and glanced over at Trevor, who looked worried. Ryan looked back to Geoff. The older man’s face was contorted in a mix of worry and regret.

Ryan stayed quiet as his hands made their way into the front pockets of his jeans. “Ryan, listen. You’re stressed. I know that. You can’t keep zoning out like this.” Geoff’s voice was a lot calmer than before. Ryan nodded. He could feel his old shell taking over him again. The one that deemed him the stone cold murderer he was. Something he had pushed back when he got comfortable in the crew out of fear he would hurt them.

Trevor put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and he froze. Both Trevor and Geoff noticed this. Trevor squeezed his shoulder slightly. “Ryan, relax,” Trevor told him. Geoff sighed. Ryan looked up at him. Geoff tossed Trevor his car keys. “Make sure he gets rest. I’ll call you two when Jeremy is out.” Trevor nodded as he fumbled to catch the keys. Ryan was forced into the passenger’s seat of Geoff’s stupidly pink Akuma by Trevor, who slid into the driver’s seat himself.

“Where are we going?” Ryan asked him as he let his shoulders fall back against the leather seat. “My apartment,” Trevor told him, “I rented one with Matt because we couldn’t stand the chaos of you idiots.” Ryan didn’t laugh at Trevor’s joking manor. He just nodded and looked out the window, watching the buildings move by in blurs.

Trevor sighed slightly as he drove. He glanced over at Ryan a couple times. Ryan never looked back. His eyes were focused on the blurred buildings and people passing by. His brain was too occupied to really do anything else. “You can take my took to relax in. Just wipe that paint off so you don’t stain my pillows.”

They arrived at the apartment in more air-stealing silence then there was before. Trevor helped Ryan up to the right floor and showed him where the bathroom was. Ryan nodded at him as some kind of silent thank you. He made his way to the bathroom and started to wash the paint off his face. He watched absently as the black and white mixed together down the drain. Ryan dried his face off with a towel and moved out to find Trevor. He was never shown which room was his.

Ryan found Trevor sat at the small breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the small living room. He had his laptop out on the counter in front of him and a coffee mug just in arms reach. “Trevor,” Ryan called as he approached him. Trevor jerked around and almost looked scared before relaxing. “Shit I forgot you were here,” he mumbled and took a deep breath. “Sorry I.. I just didn’t know which was your room.” Ryan’s eyes were pulled towards Trevor’s computer.

There was a couple files pulled up that Ryan couldn’t quite read before Trevor closed it. “Come on,” he said and got up. Ryan nodded and followed him to the room. “You still have that scar on your cheek,” Trevor told him and frowned a bit. “So do you,” Ryan said and looked at him. Trevor opened the door and glanced at Ryan as he stepped out of the way. “Guess dad really did a number on us back then huh?” Trevor tried to joke. Ryan frowned, “I should’ve stopped him.” “You couldn’t have,” Trevor told him. Ryan sighed, “I should have.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I’m back and not dead. I got distracted and forgot to write on this fic because I was listening to a song and got an idea for another one so uhhhh be on the lookout.


	19. XIX

__Trevor had long passed out on the couch with his laptop opened on his chest and a cup of cold coffee on the floor beside him. Ryan couldn’t sleep. He made his way out of the bedroom and into the hallways. His plan was to get a glass of water or something, but his plan was cut short when he noticed Trevor asleep on the couch.

Ryan walked over to him and smiled a bit. He went to lift the laptop off him and pull the blanket on him. Ryan’s smile dropped when he glanced at the screen of the laptop. He shouldn’t read it, but his eyes were scanning before he could stop them. Ryan quietly brought the laptop over to the kitchen counter and sat on a stool as he read through the files pulled up.

A few files on each of the crew members. More were standard police reports. Others were descriptions. Ryan paused when he got to Trevor’s. It mentioned them as kids. He hoped Geoff hadn’t read this. Ryan read through a bit more. Just things he already knew and a few facts he didn’t. Ryan smiled a bit seeing Trevor’s accomplishments. Even if they weren’t what Ryan wanted for him, he was still proud of his brother.

Then Ryan noticed emails were pulled up. Encrypted ones that Ryan hardly understood. Something about Jeremy... and Fakehaus? Ryan’s brows furrowed as he glanced over at Trevor asleep on the couch. Ryan shook it off. He glanced back at the laptop and read over the emails again. He did his best to decipher them. Ryan’s eyes went wide when he cracked the code.

Fakehaus was stopping by to discuss a peace agreement with Trevor. It was to help the Fakes until Jeremy recovered - if he recovered. Ryan closed the laptop and sighed. It wasn’t as bad as he thought. An allegiance with another crew didn’t necessarily oppose a threat. Yet, Trevor was young and new to being a boss of a gang. Who knew how easily he could spill something like this when under all this stress. Ryan shook his head as he stood up.

He moved into the kitchen. His hand reaching for the handle of the fridge as he pulled it open. He heard a groan behind him and the cream of someone sitting up on a couch. “James?” Trevor questioned. His voice was laced in sleep. There’s that name Ryan hates.. Ryan smiled a bit as he turned to face Trevor. “Did I wake you?” Trevor shook his head and made a move to get off the couch, “What are you doing up?”

Ryan opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water and showing it to Trevor. “Hope you don’t mind.” “Go ahead,” Trevor mumbled out as he walked into the kitchen. “Hey um..” Ryan trailed off. He didn’t know how to word what he was about to ask. Trevor glanced over at him as he headed to the fridge. “We can’t tell anyone about us.” Ryan said blatantly. “I know,” Trevor said as he ducked his head in the fridge.

Ryan was a bit surprised that Trevor agreed so quickly, but he shrugged it off. Trevor moved out of the fridge with a takeout box in hand. He hopped up on the counter across from Ryan and offered him some. Ryan politely declined. They both stayed there in the kitchen. Trevor was quiet until he finished his food. Ryan was quiet as he sipped on his water.

Then it was as if hell was unleashed. Neither of them could pinpoint how it started. Maybe it was how Trevor glanced towards the breakfast bar and noticed his laptop had been moved. “Did you touch my computer?” “Oh uh yeah. You fell asleep with it on your chest and I didn’t want it to fall off,” Ryan explained. “Did you look at my computer?” Ryan slowly nodded, “I just peaked at it. I swear I didn’t read anything.” “What the fuck dude?! I thought you understood what privacy means!” Trevor snapped at him.

Ryan held his hands up in defeat. “Hey, hey. Relax, Trevor. It’s not like I’m gonna go blabbing my mouth about Fakehaus.” Ryan fucked up. Oh, he fucked up bad. “You read that?! Some fucking brother you are. Why did you of all people have to be my brother?” Trevor huffed. His hands were balled into fists at his sides and he was fuming. Ryan looked shocked, “I don’t get why you kept that from everyone. Fucking Christ Trevor. Guess I’m really a shitty enough brother huh?” Trevor looked like he suddenly knew what he said.

“Wait, James no. I didn’t mean th-“ “Don’t call me that. If you really hate me so much, I’ll go,” Ryan wasn’t about to fight with him. He started to leave the room just as Trevor grabbed his arm, “Ryan. Wait.” Ryan jerked it away and kept walking. He made his way into the room to collect his things before making a beeline for the door. Trevor tried to stop him. He scrambled out apologies and tried his best. Ryan wasn’t having it. He walked out and pulled his phone out to call himself a ride.

First person he called just happened to be Geoff. Ryan couldn’t stop him from coming. Geoff was pulling up on the street in front of Ryan in no time. Ryan sighed as he got into the car. It was silent for a few minutes. Then Geoff spoke up. “What in the hell happened that I had to pick you up at two in the fucking morning?” Ryan glanced over at him. He couldn’t tell Geoff. Trevor could get hurt, but he had to.

“I couldn’t stay there,” Ryan told him. “Why Ryan? Why couldn’t you possibly stay there and not cause a problem?” Geoff said with blatant anger in his voice. “I just can’t be around Trevor anymore. Just leave it,” Ryan rolled his eyes. “Don’t you get all pissy with me.” Ryan looked over at Geoff when he said that. Geoff glanced over at him. His voice got softer, “What happened?” Ryan sighed. He tried to come up with some explanation. “It’s uh.. It’s a family thing,” Ryan said. “Family thing?” Geoff said surprised.

“Trevor’s my… my brother. I haven’t seen him in years and we just had a feud and I couldn’t be in there anymore,” Ryan didn’t look at Geoff. He was afraid of his reaction. Ryan trusted Geoff; he would put his life on the line for him. Geoff was silent for a few moments before he spoke up, “I knew already. About you two being brother's.” Ryan looked at him, “You did?” “I know everything about my guys. You think I would let you into my home and not know it all?” Geoff made a good point. “So tell me what happened and I’ll take you to my place. The lads are with Jeremy,” Geoff told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School and personal issues have been kicking my ass lately so I’ve been having trouble writing. Enjoy this family feud though!


	20. XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah look at that, I’m back. Happy holidays. I’m sorry I’m so slow at this lmao. Hopefully I can get back on track. So here have this unedited chapter I whipped up.

Ryan never anticipated sitting here with Geoff fucking Ramsey in his fancy living room. He never thought he would be spilling his life story to this man. Yet, here he was. A oddly designed mug in hand filled with coffee and Geoff sitting across beside him in a fancy lounge chair. It was some kind of mix between being weirdly therapeutic and concerning.

Ryan talked about his past. The way he grew up trying to protect Trevor from their abusive parents. How at sixteen, he ran into a man who threatened his brother’s life unless Ryan did a job for them. How the first time Ryan killed a living, breathing human was that man when he broke his promise not to hurt Trevor. How Ryan’s bare hands felt wrapped around the man’s throat as they tightened until there was no air left. Ryan was only seventeen then. He talked about how he left Trevor there with their parents just so he could get away and keep the danger from him. How Ryan regretted leaving because he left Trevor there in that mess of a home. He told Geoff everything that was troubling him, and Geoff just sat there and listened.

When Ryan was done, he sipped his coffee and looked up at Geoff. He tried to read the older man’s expression and was met with concerned eyes. “Jesus, Ryan,” Geoff’s voice sounded apologetic, “That’s fucking terrible.” “We all have our pasts,” Ryan sighed. “I’ll talk to Trevor. Try and get him to work it out-“ “Geoff no. It’s not something you should get into.” Geoff sighed and gave in. He went to stand. “You’re getting some rest. I’ll take you to see Jeremy in the morning,” Geoff said. Ryan sighed and made a move to lay down on the couch. Geoff took his mug from him and tossed a blanket at him. Ryan was asleep almost immediately.

Ryan woke up the next morning to the smell of eggs and bacon. He was startled at first. That hint of forgetting where he was early in the morning just hitting him. He relaxed when he realized he was with Geoff. Ryan slowly got up and walked into the kitchen to see Geoff cooking. “Morning,” he called to the older man. Geoff glanced back and smiled a bit, “Morning. I got some great news for ya.” “Oh? What is it?” Ryan leaned against the counter. “Jeremy’s awake,” Geoff said nonchalantly. Ryan froze. His mind spun like a tornado, and he looked at Geoff with wide eyes. The way he said it without a pause or even emotion startled Ryan. It was almost too much for his morning heavy brain to process.

“Jeremy’s.. awake?” Ryan repeated. He needed confirmation. “Yeah. Michael called his morning and told me,” Geoff explained and looked a him, “We’re going to see him after you eat.” Geoff was immediately shoving a plate in Ryan’s hands and forcing him to eat. If he didn’t, Ryan would surely pass out later. Ryan nearly devoured the plate all too quickly, but Geoff kept him eating at a normal pace.

Ryan barely remembered he drive there. He was too focused on the fact that Jeremy was awake and okay. He clambered out of Geoff’s car and started to walk up to Jeremy’s room. Geoff was following a couple footsteps behind. Ryan looked right at Jeremy when he opened the door with a smile. The greeting he got back was not what he was expecting.

“Why is the Vagabond visiting me? Trevor what the hell?” Jeremy glanced over at Trevor, who was standing to the right of him. Ryan shot Trevor a bewildered look. “You’re uh… dating him,” Trevor explained as Ryan stepped into the room. “No, no. Trevor, we’re dating. You and I. I would never date him,” Jeremy sat up and looked at Ryan in shock. Ryan’s eyes went wide, “Trevor what the fuck?” “No, no, no. Jeremy no,” Trevor looked panicked, “I’m not- we’re not- Fuck.” Ryan walked further into the room and frowned a bit seeing Jeremy get scared.

“Jeremy. You’re brain’s all fucked up from the surgery. You’re with the Fakes now. You’re dating Ryan, not me. We aren’t dating anymore,” Trevor mumbled the last part. Jeremy sat up and looked around at everyone. He looked… confused and terrified. Ryan thought he anesthesia must’ve messed up his brain. He would get his memory back. Ryan just.. he had to do something.

Ryan walked up to Jeremy and put a hand in his. Jeremy hesitated but didn’t pull away. He looked at Ryan as he read his expression. Jeremy wasn’t quite sure what the hell was going on, but if Trevor was being honest, then maybe this proved it. Trevor never lied and every piece of this was coming together shortly. “Oh,” Jeremy breathed out. The way Ryan’s hand fit in his felt so perfect. It all felt like too much for him to take in at once. His brain was pounding against his skull now, and his lungs were pumping far too quickly. The monitors beeped loudly at this. Ryan went to let go of his hand, but Jeremy held on tighter. Trevor motioned for everyone to leave.

Ryan was left alone in this hospital room with a panicking Jeremy who was clutching his hand too tightly. Ryan sat down on the bed beside his legs and moved his free hand to Jeremy’s cheek. “Just breath. In and out.” Ryan’s voice was soothing and Jeremy listened as he repeated that like a mantra. Jeremy started to relax as he looked at Ryan. He narrowly avoided a panic attack with his help. “S-Sorry. It just got too much and I was freaking out,” Jeremy muttered. “You let me stay,” Ryan blurted out, “Out of Trevor and everyone else. Does that mean you remember?”

Jeremy looked at him. There was something in his brown eyes that couldn’t be read. “It’s faint. I can’t.. I can’t pick up the details, but it’s not foreign anymore.” “That’s all I need to here,” Ryan smiled. Jeremy sighed and looked at their hands. “I’m sorry I’m not all fixed like you would want…” “Don’t apologize for that, Jer.” Ryan pressed a kiss to Jeremy’s knuckles. Jeremy was silent that. A faint blush creeped onto his cheeks as he leaned back against the pillows. Maybe it’s going to be okay, he kept telling himself, just maybe.


	21. XXI

Jeremy woke up to a headache. Anxiety rising in his chest told him to keep his eyes closed, but the body pressed to his side made him worry. He heard the light snores and thought it was Trevor at first. That almost made him smile. He was so used to Trevor just waltzing into his room when he was sleeping and just cuddle up to him. Jeremy never minded that.

The arm that snuck around his waist, however, was not Trevor’s. It was far heavier than that of Trevor’s lanky limbs. Jeremy was instantly on high alert. He opened his eyes rather quickly and looked to the side. The owner was none other than the Vagabond himself. He panicked for a moment, but then he relaxed. He remembered last night. The Vagabond -no, Ryan- was his boyfriend. Not Trevor. That was going to take some getting used to. Jeremy shifted a bit which caused Ryan to look at him. Oh, Jeremy thought, he was already awake. Ryan instantly moved off of Jeremy with an apology slipping from his lips.

Jeremy gave him a look to let him know it was okay. “Can.. can I talk to Trevor today? Is that okay?” Jeremy was hesitant to ask. He didn’t want to upset Ryan. The look in the older man’s eyes looked almost like.. jealousy? Jeremy didn’t think much of it. “I’ll go get him,” Ryan said and stood. Jeremy felt guilty as Ryan walked out of the room. He couldn’t remember Ryan and the man was sad. It was all Jeremy’s fault for being an idiot, and he didn’t even know what caused him to be in the hospital in the first place!

Jeremy took a shaky breath to keep himself calm. Then he saw Trevor walk in the room. “Hey. You wanted to see me?” Trevor sounded cautious. He walked over slowly. Jeremy nodded. “I just- I want to know what the hell happened. Why am I here? Why can’t I remember anything? What the fuck happened between us?” He could barely stop himself from blurting out every question on his mind. He managed to quiet down and take a deep breath.

“We uh.. we broke it off before we joined the Fakes. Thought it might be better not to be liabilities to each other,” Trevor calmly explained, “You got into an accident when you were on a heist with the crew. An organ replacement later and here you are. The.. doctors said that the anesthesia messed with your brain a bit. It’s only short term. They’re hoping you’ll start getting your memory back in a few days.”

Jeremy didn’t know what to think, but fuck his head was pounding. He brought his hands up to cover his face. This was too much too fast. He tried hard to keep himself from panicking. “W-what’s going to happen with me?” Jeremy looked at him with concerned eyes. “What do you mean? Nothing bad is going to happen to you,” Trevor said and sat up. He placed a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder. Jeremy swallowed back his nerves, “I mean… am I going back with them? Am I -am I going with you?”

Trevor chewed his bottom lip. He glanced at the door. He crew could be seen through the cracks in the blinds over the windows. “Them,” He finally spoke. Jeremy glanced at the door too. “They’re good people. At least when you join them,” Trevor squeezed his shoulder lightly, “They care about you, Jer. They wouldn’t hurt you. I trust them, but you have to trust me.”

Jeremy didn’t speak up for a few minutes. “Jeremy,” Trevor spoke up again, “You trust me, right?” It took Jeremy a moment before he nodded, “I trust you.” “We’ll take this slow,” Trevor gave him a sympathetic smile. Jeremy just nodded, leaving his words somewhere in his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah sorry chapters are slow. I’m trying to save up for RTX.


	22. XXII

Jeremy was out of the hospital within a week. He was mostly healed and his memory was spotty to say the least. He recognized the crew -recognized that he was with them- but he didn’t see Ryan the way everyone said he used to. He started to get the past few months back in his mind. Every action he did with Ryan just seemed.. blurry. Like his brain didn’t want to remember it. Ryan wasn’t pushing Jeremy to remember, but he was doing things to provoke it. Jeremy was already pushing himself to remember his life with the crew.

He was getting back to his normal self, though. He did well on heists and got along with the crew just fine. Sure, he stayed around Trevor more. He needed the comfort. Ryan was heartbroken by that. He wanted him back, and Jeremy could tell. He felt all the stress and worry from the gent and felt like it added an extra weight on his heavy shoulders. Jeremy needed a way to approach Ryan about this. He tried to think of one as he relaxed in the dark of his room.

Insomnia was kicking Jeremy’s ass. He sat up, pulled his knees to his chest, and leaned his head back against the headboard. The room around him became this nauseating blur. Jeremy tried to shut his eyes to black it out but to no avail. His jaw clenched, and his head was spinning and - fucking hell. He was going to die here. He was panicking, and his whole body had gone hot. He covered his face in his hands and tried to breathe. His throat was closing into a fist, blocking his lungs from the proper amount of air. He was panicking again over something so simple. He couldn’t stop it, couldn’t calm down. He needed to calm down.

“Jeremy.” The voice was there, but it was muffled by the complete takeover of this panic attack ringing in Jeremy’s ears. “Jeremy, breathe.” It was louder and more persistent this time. Jeremy shook his head. He couldn’t breathe. His lungs were filled with cemented anxiety. “You can. In and out.” The voice was clear beside him now. Jeremy could recognize the speaker. There was a feather light touch on his shoulder blade. Absent circles being rubbing against his clothed skin as a way to coax him into ataraxy. Jeremy tried to listen, and it started to work.

His heart was a drum in his chest, but he had managed to breathe. His head was less clouded, his hands were sweaty, and his mind was exhausted. He didn’t realize there were tears on his face until a careful thumb was wiping them away. Jeremy still had his eyes close. His body leaned towards the one next to him. Physical exhaustion washed over him. He leaned onto Ryan with his head buried against his shoulder. “It’s okay,” Ryan whispered. His arms wrapping around the younger man and rubbing his back lightly, “I got you.”

They were still for a few minutes. At least long enough for Jeremy to get himself back to relative normalness. Jeremy was now aware of his surroundings. He was no longer in the blurry pit of uneasiness. When he realized Ryan was holding him close against his chest, there was a faint blush that spread from the back of his neck to his ears and cheeks. It hopefully wasn’t visible, just a heat that he could feel. He tried to push away from the older man, and Ryan let him. Jeremy looked at his face which was mushed in concern. Ryan opened his mouth to say something.

“I’ll go-“ “Stay,” Jeremy spoke before his brain caught up to him. He stampeded out an explanation, “I-I don’t want to be alone right now.” Ryan nodded. He relaxed back against the headboard and gave enough space between the two of them. Jeremy leaned back. He tilted to the side to rest his head on Ryan’s shoulder. This wasn’t as odd as before. It wasn’t rushed. Jeremy was taking his time, and Ryan was letting him. It was nice almost.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a few moments. Then Jeremy shifted and looked at the floor. “I need to talk to you.” “Go ahead,” Ryan replied in a monotone voice. Jeremy sighed, “It’s about us. I just... I don’t know if I can’t start where we left off. It just feels weird to me. Like... I can’t remember this. I need a restart.” Ryan had to be a pro at poker with the way his expression remained stoic. He nodded just as Jeremy looked over at him. Jeremy searched his face for some kind of answer.

“Okay,” was all Ryan said. “Okay?” Jeremy questioned as his brows furrowed. “I’m not going to push you. If you want to go slow, we can go slow,” Ryan explained, “I would’ve been okay if you wanted a complete break.” Jeremy’s heart dropped at that. He wasn’t used to this. Ryan would’ve just walked away at Jeremy’s word. “Dammit. You’re not supposed to be nice. You’re the Vagabond,” Jeremy muttered. He leaned forward until his forehead rested on Ryan’s shoulder. “Is that supposed to be an insult?” Ryan asked causing Jeremy to mumble out a ‘yes.’

“Guess I found my kryptonite then,” Ryan said in a way to make it seem like a joke. Jeremy could absolutely tell it wasn’t a joke. This was dangerous. Them being together was a potential weakness. Jeremy started to care just a little less the more he let his body lean against Ryan’s. He cared even less when Ryan pulled them both down so they were laying on the bed. Jeremy stopped caring when he rested his head on Ryan’s chest and listened to his heartbeat with Ryan’s arm around his waist.

Maybe this would be okay. If the universe truly did have control over everything, then the second chance Jeremy got was supposed to be this. He was young. He was a criminal. A little love never hurt anybody. “Rye?” Jeremy mumbled out. He was starting to get tired and his voice showed that. Ryan hummed our a response. His finger was rubbing light circles to Jeremy’s waist. “Thank you,” Jeremy turned his head muffling his voice slightly against Ryan’s chest. “For what?” Ryan questioned. “For this,” Jeremy told him. Ryan gave a light chuckle. He went to make a reply, but Jeremy’s breathing has slowed. The lad had fallen asleep just like normal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter... boy this has been a long coming one because I just haven’t had insiprtation to write for this fic. I do hope you guys liked it! <3


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